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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/17/2010

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YOU CAN DO MAAAAAAGIC. 

You can do an-nee-thing! Your heart de-siiiires! Except play football, Cincinnati. Butch Jones is not Steve Kragthorpe, but he does share football genetic markers with him for the moment, as Cincy looked like cold ass pie salad wraps last night versus a lively NC State team in a 30-19 loss. The Big East is now playing the part of understudy to the ACC in the drama "Crapmonster Vs. Scully: Jersey Boys 3" for the part of the titular Crapmonster, and has purchased tickets on the Poo Train for the foreseeable future. 

BUFFET BUFFET BUFFET: The viewing guide of all viewing guide, Keeley's College Football Buffet, is up for your use as reference guide. The Factor Five will reappear next week because no in-week game was worthy of its powers, though Cal-Nevada is certainly weird enough for the preview. (Again: massive gambling debts are the only possible explanation.) 

URBAN MEYER IS UPSET OVER PLAYER DISCIPLINE. It only took five years, but he is named after a Pope and thus prone to slow-moving legislative change by name. In six years he'll really feel what happened to us in the SEC Championship Game. You know those Israeli rehab clinics where you bypass withdrawal symptoms of heroin through extreme sedation and frequent and complete recycling of your blood supply? Let's just book one of those right now and save ourselves the spectacle lying ahead. We talk about Florida discipline a bit on the Rocky Top Talk Podcast, too, which also contains fun and jocularity of a Vol variety. Hey, look, Tennessee plans to tackle Jeff Demps. That's probably a good idea in theory, but so is not eating chocolate dipping goo out of the container at 12:15 at night BUT THERE YOU ARE AGAIN, FATTY. 

HELL YES I DO LIKE FREE MONEY. Arkansas are two point dogs going into the game against Georgia this weekend. If you don't like easy bets, feel free to ignore this, especially with AJ Green's hearing today to determine the status of his appeal of a four game suspension. When Huntley Johnson swoops in for Green at the last second to erase the case completely, Florida will officially blow Georgia's collective minds forever by saving that which is most precious to you simply because we can. 

TURNER GILL RELIES ON REPETITION. It's as valid a rhetorical device as any, we suppose. 

FURTHER BOISE STATE SMARTNESS. The simplicity of this is just enough to be admirable and profoundly irritating to someone watching a defense struggle against it. But some people can't count, and as long as that continues the math-competent and shifty (in Peterson's strategic case, literally so) will feed off the fat brains of their prey. 

LES MILES HAS AN iPHONE APP. It has [CLOCK JOKES GO HERE.] 

HE DARK HIPPO OF SADNESS IS NO MORE. Via an actual live UVA source, we have it on good word that the Pokemon Elimination Robot mascot has been euthanized quietly after most people agreed it was just a fuzzy, obese horse in Ziggy Stardust boots. 

BECAUSE COLLEGE FOOTBALL STILL NEEDS PUPPETS. The Notre Dame Puppetry Studios at House Rock Built return and make a joyous noise

YOU ARE NOT TOUGH, PART 12,093,822. Never let a little aplastic anemia stand between you and football.