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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/15/2010

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MIKE THE TIGER LIKES MODEL AIRPLANES. The things you learn when you follow the productions of the LSU sports media department: Mike likes model airplanes, but cannot make them well due to his huge, plush hands. #irony 

How to Fit in at Tiger Stadium (via lsusportsnet)

LSU's media people seem to have a very good sense of humor about themselves, and with Les Miles as your coach that is both positive institutional attribute and emotional survival strategy. 

PLEASE MEET YOUR ATTORNEY. YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW WHO HE IS. Huntley Johnson, Alachua county's attorney to the stars, is representing Chris Rainey in his stalking case. Don't act like you're not jealous your program doesn't have their shadowy legal demon capable of appearing in a puff of cologne and smoke whenever Urban Meyer rubs his crystal footballs.  (HT: Blutarsky

WANNSTACHE DRIVES HIS CAMARO, TURNS LEFT ON CURSETOWN DRIVE. Pitt has sailed through a patch of horrendous fortune the past two days, first losing DE Greg Romeus to back surgery for a good chunk of the season, and second losing linebacker Jason Douglas to a DUI where he attempted a very ineffective Damon Evans gambit.

"Hey, I play for Pitt football. … Please don’t arrest me," Douglas told officers, according to a criminal complaint.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR SAFETIES? We prefer ours to play by radar only in the middle of a game, working only on the impressions left from high frequency waves emitted from their vocal chords. The good ones do this because they are blinded by pure rage and the urge to kill, something Blake Gideon seems to have down well enough. When Texas suffers whatever peculiarity awaiting them in Lubbock this Saturday, have him tranq'd immediately to prevent a bull-in-the-stands Spanish disaster from unfolding. 

OH IT'S SO ON. Todd Grantham spars with Spurrier. This wil spread to slambook warfare, and then Facebook comment threads, and soon the assistant principal will have to have a stern talk with all of you about the importance of respecting each other before dismissing both of you, reaching for the scotch in his desk, and praying for a swift death from cirrhosis. <---TENNESSEE PUBLIC SCHOOL EXPERIENCE WHAT! 

AND THE HOME...OF THE...[THING THAT DOESN'T RHYME.] It's not the lack of patriotic recitation that bothers us, it's the violation of the rhyme scheme. At least when you go to a Braves game they just add a sly "s" to the end instead of just yelling your non-rhyming name nonsensically over it. (This would sound really mindbending if Marshall did it. "And the hooooome....of the....MARSHALL THUNDERING HERRRRRRRD" /awkward silence) 

WOOOOOOOOOO: Samurai haircut national championship ROLLL TAHHHHHDE.