The weekend's games are summarized in exactly 140 characters or so because we love two things in life: microfiction and Twitter-length anything.
West Virginia at Marshall
"What is it?" "A present I'm working on," the old man said. Marshall begged to know. "Surprise! I whittled you a loss," said Bill Stewart.
Miami at Ohio State.
"I've been saving this," says the man. The alley is horseshoe-shaped. No exits. Chris Gamble smiles, stuffs yellow flag down Ibis' throat.
Penn State at Alabama.
"I appreciate Penn State's tradition and your legacy, Coach," he said as they shook hands at the 50. "Thanks, Nate," said JoePa.
Georgia Tech at Kansas
Waving wheat. Man with torch approaches. Paul Johnson sets it ablaze not to teach a lesson. Why, God why? A spectral voice: because he can. .
Georgia at South Carolina
Steve pushed it up the hill. At the top: Georgia. The hardest part: hope. It lived; it died as the stone shattered. Start again, he said.
South Florida at Florida
General Meyer sighed. The line: intact. "What of the artillery?" "Col. Addazio filled 'em w/ peanut butter, fired them backwards." /facepalm
Idaho at Nebraska
Down by thirty, Akey nods. Pelini nods back. Slowly they leave the sidelines. Under the stadium they meet. Two men enter. One will leave.
Florida State at Oklahoma
Christian Ponder: a man, a command, a Heisman campaign that starts in Norman, lasts two months and ends when UF sells him for parts. #homerism
Colorado vs. California
We were going to watch the game but it was cancelled due to fog. #ha #tiredweedjokes #realtalk #thisisthehighestfuckingcrowdever #doritosplz
Tennessee Tech at TCU
Quiet brothel. Tennessee Tech sat on its cushion. A horned frog leered in. "Open for bidness? Arkansas loved you!" She sighs, nods. "Yup."
Oregon at Tennessee
A forty point loss. Dooley surveyed the locker room. At least they can wash themselves now. A tackle shoves soap up his ass. Dooley weeps.
Rutgers at FIU
"Why is Rutgers doing a home and home with a lowly Sun Belt team?" he asks. Schiano smiles. "Because a great dog track sells itself, son."
Virginia at USC
The mascot lay dead on the turf. Traveler stood next to Mike London. Hooves covered in blood. London holds out a sugar cube. "Good horsie."