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Missouri is a baffling state. Are they merely Northern Arkansas, or Illinois' utility closet? What explains their deep religiosity and simultaneous statewide obsession with pornography? Why do they, from time to time, elect the dead? How did you steal Kansas' city, and do you ever plan to give it back to them? Branson: why? <-----GREAT MYSTERIES OF THE COSMOS. 

Other mysteries abound. For instance, why would you care that people were drinking in a parking lot? That's what parking lots are for besides teaching teenagers to drive, and for drinking in a parking lot with teenagers while teaching them to drive. Furthermore, why would you call the police on them, especially when they were coaches on the Mizzou staff? 

Walker was sitting in his parked truck with the engine running outside the Mizzou Athletic Training Complex when officers arrived at 11:14 p.m. Walker and the rest of MU's coaches and their wives had returned from a dinner at the Lake of the Ozarks when police were called to check on people "potentially drinking in the parking lot," Weimer said.

A sobriety test followed. It did not go well for Coach Walker.

Officers interviewed Walker briefly then issued a field sobriety test, leading to Walker's arrest.

That's a suspicion of DUI charge for sitting in a running vehicle drunk. If you're in Missouri, don't count on officers being "cool," because that's not "in their reg book" and they will probably just "charge your ass with whatever they can" even if you think the charges are "bullshit." /hipsterrunoff'd

In other ticky-tack ticketing, Mizzou gets further points for Dominique Hamilton and Jarrell Harrison's trespassing citations issued for swimming in an apartment complex pool after hours. Among other MYSTERIES OF OLD MIZZOURAH: how have policemen solved all major crime, freeing themselves to work on important issues like pool trespassing? The bullshit tally on the bullshit charges involved all around: two for the lowest grade of DUI, one for being a coach, and one each for the bullshit trespassing charges. 

In total: five bullshit points for Mizzou in the Fulmer Cup.