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2010 SEC MEDIA DAYS: THE UN-EMBRACEABLE BOBBY PETRINO AND RYAN MALLETT'S 'FAMILY ARM'

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Bobby Petrino talks for 35 minutes, and between us we can remember about 18 words. No emotion ever crosses the mans's face. He doesn't have the shark orbs of Urbz; he's just ... blank. In his next career hop (WHICH WILL BE VERY SOON BECAUSE HE'S PETRINO HAHA), it's quite easy to imagine him a successful assassin.

•  The one remotely interesting thing coming out of Petrino's mouth is the news that Ryan Mallett's smile gives everybody around him on the field an energy boost. Unsaid: "That, and the supply of sugared gorilla-tranq candy he carries with him at all times to ward off animals that might want to nest on his shoulders."
•  Actual quote: "We've got great competition for the kicker spot and the punter position."
•  Says the way he measures a quarterback is by his ability to stand in the pocket and get hit in the chin. Can anyone actually reach Ryan Mallett's chin?
•  Once found out via Facebook that Cobi Hamilton was having thumb surgery. Team is now working on their communication more.
•  BOBBY PETRINO DOESN'T LIKE EARLY COMMITMENT LOLZ (He's talking about for players. He doesn't like early commitment for players. Of course that's what he's talking about. Why?)
•  Innocuous agent question made all the more innocuous because Arkansas hasn't received any NCAA inquiries this offseason. "I was hoping I would get through this without being asked about agents." He tells us to laugh. We do. Sort of. This is the emotional high point of this panel.
•  Early riser on the bonehead question leaderboard: Does Ryan Mallett feel more pressure being the only guy on the media guide cover? (Can anyone else fit on the media guide cover if he's already there?) Petrino: "The one thing I didn't want to do is have me on there." And like that [poof] ... he's gone.

Ryan Mallett is [breath of fresh air nature metaphor] straight owning this room. His suit looks sharp; his answers are composed and polished. He could run for President and win. He jokes with the sleepy assembled masses about trying out for the Olympics after all the swim rehab he's done on his foot, and brushes off talk of his draft stock with, "Playing one year and then leaving, I didn't find that ethically right." Petrino is not in the room to flinch.

•  Reporter asks about his sprinting speed on the newly healed foot. Mallett: "Uh, I don't know if I ever had sprinter speed." Trees are not made for fleetness of root.
•  Asked about the Georgia and Alabama games, he reminds us he was at Michigan for the Appy State debacle, and as such is not looking past Tennessee Tech or Louisiana-Monroe.
•  Asked whether he's got any information on this year's skill players, he retorts dryly, "I got first-hand information on receivers; I've been throwing to 'em."
•  OK, we're in the palm of his giant hand. The whole room. Because when asked when he knew as a youngster that he had a strong arm (the HELL?), Mallett calls it "the family arm." Tragically, no one follows up by asking how many baby arms make up a family arm.
•  We kind of love Ryan Mallett, you guys. Kid's a hit.