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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/19/2010

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THIS NEEDS MUSIC. Without musical accompaniment, we just keep waiting for it to begin talking and telling us to feed cats to ATMs. 

The tribute to Spurrier is by David O'Keefe, who will be happy to sell it to you for the low price of $3,500. One factual error: he's seen on the site holding something called "The Florida Playbook," which Spurrier does not in fact have in a printed form. (Like Cap'n Leach, it's off a notepad and the dome, since both guys are like Biggie and go straight from memory for the flow.)  

SPURRIER REFERENCE RELEVANCE JUSTIFIED: Not that we need a reason to make a random Steve Spurrier reference, but the man is particularly relevant this morning since the NCAA is sniffing around South Carolina's Weslye Saundersthe NFL-shiny Gamecocks TE who may or may not have had improper contact with agents. The NCAA happens to care about this a bit now, since the figleaf of amateurism keeps the waggling dong of college football as a high-revenue big four sport hidden from naked, vulnerable eyes who would like to believe that nice young man doesn't spend his nights a-whoring on the town. 

The old magic's still there: 

"We're not going to look the other way like possibly Southern California did. We’re going to abide by the rules."

The only way you know it's Spurrier the White is the "possibly." Otherwise, that's clean switchblade work from Spurrier in his prime, and is in fact what South Carolina is doing as the NCAA continues to dig through the Marvin Austin case. Saunders may be part of the ongoing investigation into UNC players' alleged contacts with agents, as Saunders and Austin are friends, or he may be a separate case, but either way South Carolina may have to be play him at the risk of him being declared ineligible.

Drop some truth bombs, TSK

On the other hand, if South Carolina coaches really think this is a special season in the making, they have to be very careful with playing Saunders while he's under investigation. The last thing you want to do at South Carolina is win the SEC East and then have it vacated by the NCAA. (Though, in fairness, that would be a very South Carolina thing to do.) (emphasis ours--ed.) 

Yes, yes it would, sir. Austin is one of only 13 players interviewed in this investigation thus far, but even with the NCAA covered in the blood of the USC case and looking bloodlustish we'd curb any temptation to say "OMG HERE COMES PROBATION" for UNC. If they do and they take more than their pound of flesh it would totally fall into Butch Davis Career Pattern: leave before your Miami death machine wins a national title, take one of the worst jobs in the NFL, go insane there, and then get the comatose body of the UNC football program this close to life before an agent scandal kneecaps the recovery and sends it back to flatline.  

MMMM REVENUE SHARING NO ONE WILL LOSE AN EYE IN THAT FIGHT. On July 30th the Pac 10 will figure out their new revenue sharing agreement thanks to the addition of two new members, and boy that won't be a cage match with two by fours. Rewrite: this being the West Coast, we assume there will be plenty of new agey discussion of feelings, concerns, and emotions before something snaps and they revert to Old Western gunplay to solve the issue.

As it stands now, the teams involved in a televised Pac-10 game split 55 percent of the revenue while the other 45 percent is parceled out to the other conference members, an arrangement which lists heavily toward the LA market. Remind yourself now of how astonishing the overall historical parity in the Pac-10 is (pro-Pac-10 stance), or of how mediocre the teams in LA have been that they don't just steamroll the rest of the conference like the top teams in the Big 12 and SEC do. (Pro-Big 12 and Pro-SEC stance.)  

(We salute all of your football prejudices, and serve them all in order.)  

RETRO SNITCHERY: That kindly old man you call Monte Kiffin may have been the guy who helped nail Clemson to the wall in the 80s, showing that Lane didn't lick his penchant for college football black ops off the grass. (Via RBR.) 

IT'S FUNNIER IF YOU IMAGINE HIM ROLLING OUT ON THE KNEE SUPPORT CART. There goes Fucksquatch, through the underbrush, a rare sighting of that cryptozoological wonder and surefire NFL draft sensation. Man, we can only repeat how fantastic Twitter would have been during Rex Grossman's Florida tenure. 

POINTS AWARDED TO THE LSU SPORTS INFO TEAM. Since Yahoo's LSU team report includes the hook, line, and sinker of the LSU Sports Information Department's April Fool's Joke in its summary of new developments in Baton Rouge. 

OMG SEC MEDIA DAYS HOLY SHIT SEC MEDIA DAYS OMG. It starts on Wednesday, and absolutely nothing is going to happen. Barnhart does bring up a valid point: what the hell is Mal Moore doing making half of what Jeremy Foley makes? It's not like Paul Bryant the Younger can't just fart out another half mil to reward a national title in the only sport that matters in Alabama. 

We'll be at SEC Media Days, of course, along with a gang of SBN bloggers/bon vivants. If you're looking for us at the Wynfrey, we'll be the ones pacing the mall walkways in between owning Clay Travis on his own radio show.