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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/3/2010

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HERKY JERKY BLACK AND WHITE FOOTBALL FOOTAGE YES PLEASE.  Watch for the pre-snap jumping around by the defense and the cougar in what appears to be a child's crib purring quietly on the sidelines. This is both a commentary on the ballsiness of people in the 1920s on the western fringe of the United States, and on the deplorable standards of children's furniture at the time. 

The defensive linemen, if you'll notice, are just about the size of Washington State's now. 

IT'S NOT THE SAME.  Ted Miller has the best reason USC won't get the Alabama treatment, and it seems logical enough: they didn't do the same thing, because Alabama boosters were actually paying players. Alabama fans, please stand up, twirl a shaker, and scream ROLLL TAHDE NATIONAL CHEATIN' CHAMPIONSHIP. Now please sit down.

USC had a basketball coach slip a player some cash. That's way, way bad, but on the football side the refusal to acknowledge the non-university affiliated benefit Bush received is not the same. Geographically speaking, it is a few streets over from what occurred at USC, and the reason this feels more and more like a bowl ban for a year and the loss of a small number of scholarships than the kind of hammer Alabama took to the balls for the Logan Young years. 

PROVISO: unless the NCAA just goes completely arbitrary and feels the need to make an example of USC, something they have done once or maybe twice in the history of their program. But this is much like saying "The picnic will proceed as scheduled unless Glortho The Fire Rape Monster appears and sodomizes us all." The picnic probably proceeds as planned. 

WE REMAIN AT THE "Y'ALL SEE ANYONE CRYING?" STAGE: Even message boards have no sources, btw. 

THE SPREAD IS STILL DEAD LONG LIVE THE SPREAD. Gary Danielson has been proclaiming the death of the spread since 2008, and continues to do so in suggesting Florida has to tweak the Tebow offense to fit Brantley...which they started doing in earnest last season (one of the reasons last year's Gator offense was so disjointed) and something they spent all of spring practice doing. The illusion of safety for quarterbacks sitting in the pocket is one of college football's enduring myths, since as many quarterbacks get injured as a stationary object as get clobbered running the ball.  

THEY HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT HIDEOUSLY INBRED DOG, AND REQUIRE NOTHING LESS. Just adopt one out of rescue, dammit. It's not like the Seilers need the money, and the obsession with breeding the perfect fat  inbred white animal to represent your school is far too close to certain negative stereotypes about Southerners for our taste.

FACT: TEXAS TECH OWES MIKE LEACH SOMEWHERE BETWEEN ZERO AND TWO POINT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS: Acrimony surplus, thy name is Texas Tech and Mike Leach's relationship. The school claims that termination invalidates the rest of the contract, while Leach claims the school owes him $2.5 million, and you can deliver that check minus Ted Liggett's fees for GORILLA ATTORNEY FEED to the Green Parrot, Key West.  

EVER AND EVER TWISTIER. So the opponent in Madden will now know about my "fake punt pass on second down" offense now?

HE ALWAYS SCARY APPY STATE. Pat Dooley wrote that with a straight face.