START YOUR MONDAY OFF WITH KEITH JACKSON, BO SCHEMBECHLER, AND JIMMY JOHNSON IN AN ILL-FITTING SHIRT. The opening shot of this video (part two of four) of the 1988 Miami/Michigan game is noteworthy for so many reasons, but most especially because Al Trautwig is seen here in his natural environment: screwed to a desk at the base of the spine and unable to do anything but swivel in place.
Miami does end up coming back and winning the game 31-30, mostly thanks to some hilarious back-foot passing from Steve Walsh, who reminds us that in an age of obvious pass vs. run sets and almost zero shotgun, one lost skill for quarterbacks may be the well-thrown pass made off the back foot. Additionally, if you weep over the deplorable state of college football scheduling today, check yourself, since the game that would have put UCLA in the one spot that week in 1988 was versus Long Beach State. Cupcakes always been some hotness, boi.
USC APPEALS. This is really just a matter of formality, but it should be noted that USC appealed to the NCAA about an NCAA ruling, who will look at the NCAA in the mirror, ask itself if they should reduce the penalties, and then say "No."
IT'S ALWAYS GOOD WHEN YOU KEEP BOTH LEGS. Chad Jones is recovering from surgery to repair his broken leg suffered in a horrendous one car accident last Thursday, and will keep both legs according to his agent. Whether he'll be able to use both of them and get back to NFL level play is in doubt, but that's what rehab and hoping are for in this situation. In more troubling news, there's a mention of toxicology reports being done in the crash to determine how Jones hit a pole with such force without the involvement of another car, and yeaaaahhhh let's hope that's not the case here.
IT'S AN IDEA. Jerry proposes a ninth conference game to eliminate some of the chaff in the SEC schedule, but we'd love to see---for no reasons besides the selfish and individually preferential--a required BCS conference opponent on the schedule besides existing rivalries. There's all kinds of potentially horrendous issues with this rule, but screw the wrinkles and stains. It's a handsome suit, and we want the SEC to wear it.
RON PRINCE IS THE EX-BOYFRIEND WHO NEVER GOES AWAY. Even years after you break up with him, he's happy to keep screwing you in so many different ways. K-State is saddled with Prince's insane out-of-conference scheduling, which includes Miami, Oregon, and Virginia Tech in the next few years. Oh, and they're still fighting his secret delayed bonus, too, which would all be very pitiable if it didn't make us laugh imagining Bill Snyder making 72,000 phone calls attempting to get out of the games and subbing a local middle school team in their place.
WE'RE TIRED OF YOUR BAMA PANDERING. 365 days of psychosis is a calendar year in Alabama.
HEY, GIRLS. I'M ONLY BEING MILDLY SKEEVY HERE. Steve Spurrier talks to the cheerleaders at Science Hill high school and lets them know that he's the guy in all the pictures in the gym. Skeevy rating: nothing close to this, so like, a two out of ten.
SO AHEAD OF THE TREND. Please, we were on the community education aspect of Purple Drankdom years ago, ESPN. Keep the pace or lose face.