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Oh, you poor things having the World Cup shoved in your faces. We had one of the five most transcendent sporting experiences of our life yesterday, and this attempts to explain it all. No, it's not college football, but it's sport, and for your sakes you should consider yourself lucky I didn't plot out Florida football versus life, because that's Proust. (And no one reads Proust, and if you got past Swann's Way you're either a liar or a prodigy, and we only like one of those around here AND IT AIN'T YOU, SMARTBOY.) 

/pours drinks for all the liars

That said, the shinin' and shine-blockin' that resulted pushed the universe back a good half-day on the calendar at least. 

LET'S NOT BE TOTALLY REVISIONIST HERE. We're on record as saying that we thought USC was going to receive a wrist-slap for its violations in the Pete Carroll era, and we weren't alone. So saying it was obvious is a bit misleading unless you're referring to the week leading up to the report, when leaks started springing up all over the place about bowl bans. Okay, perhaps Alabama fans thought USC was going to get hammered, but that might have been the result of deeply believing someone, anyone would suffer as badly as they had for compliance issues. 

Nevertheless, RBR's piece on Seantrel Henderson learning the twisted nature of recruiting is worth it, especially since this year's blue chip of blue chips may be disconnecting from USC and taking the long way around to college football as a result of what was (in retrospect, at least) complete bullshit fed him by the USC staff. He won't be the first to do it, but he will be the most high profile recruit to attempt to wriggle out of the grip of a Letter of Intent. 

To be fair, it wasn't bullshit at the time: USC may really have believed they were getting off squeaky clean. We certainly did, and they honestly didn't have any more information on the ongoing investigation than you did. What differentiates the liar and the bullshit artist, though, is caring about the truth in the first place, which we suspect based on his track record Lane Kiffin does not. LenDale White would disagree, since he go along with Kiffin, though he has no idea how Mike Garrett and Pete Carroll can claim ignorance in the Bush case. 

REMEMBER: If you get a vuvuzela into SEC stadiums, it's no given that the place will instantly turn into a buzzing hornet's nest. As much as we want this to happen, the SEC's noise regulations prevent a constant hum, and insist on noisemakers basically being used whenever anything good happens and certainly not during the run of play itself. We thank the pioneering scientists at Mississippi State for helping us find the limit of the rules. They have a long tradition of that thanks to cowbells, and due to Jackie Sherrill's stay there. [/sadtrombone] 

EVEN HIS MOTHER IS A BETTER GOLFER THAN YOU ARE. Nick Saban's mother, who is 77, got a hole in one playing golf last week, so don't expect him to retire anytime soon is the message he's trying to send you. Yeah, sure, Coach Saban, but has she been struck by lightning and attacked by a bear and survived yet? Yes? Well, yes, carry on then, you long-lived person.  

PAUL FINEBAUM IN A YEAR WHEN SABAN LOSES THREE GAMES AND TURNS ON HIM: "Remember when Nick Saban stood astride the football world, the high and mighty king of all he saw? He was even bragging about his longevity, something that may not be such a guarantee now that the pressure is mounting in Tuscaloosa." 

POWER RUNNING IS THE NEW RETRO-HiP: According to Art Briles, anyway, something Alabama did very well last year in between rolling out of play action and catching people far out of position on assignments. 

/THROWSLAPTOP. Seeing number three on this list would make us spitting mad, if the list weren't also littered with teams who'd also squandered good opportunities despite being loaded with talent. Aw, fuck it. We're still mad, but just throwing the backup laptop since we're still sort of elated over yesterday. 

WE MIGHT HAVE TO GET AN iPAD NOW. Slayer pinball compels us.