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Up ridiculously late due to World Cup duties, which include spotting R Kelly on a field full of young women

MIKE GARRETT HAS DIAGNOSED THE PROBLEM AT USC: HATERATION.  Mike Garrett of USC, in response to haters who attacked his program by unfairly prohibiting his players gettin' cheese, leaned heavily on the pioneering PR work of B.O.B in his masterpiece, "Haters Everywhere We Go," a.k.a. The Public Relations Secrets of Morons. 

Everywhere he goes, man: 

"As I read the decision by the NCAA, all I could get out of all of this was … I read between the lines and there was nothing but a lot of envy, and they wish they all were Trojans," Garrett said to cheers Thursday night at the San Francisco Airport Marriott. 

We were joking with the whole "Mike Garrett can't read" thing yesterday, but after this we realize we may have been onto something. He also pretended not to hear a reporter, made a circle with his thumb and forefinger and got Ted Miller to look at it, and then punched Miller in the shoulder because those are the rules of the game, NERD.

JOSH HEUPEL IS NOT DISCREET. Leave him out of future evil plots and capers, since WOO WE'RE GOIN' TO THE SEC, Y'ALL. 

1:00 P.M. CDT, LiNCOLN, NEBRASKA: When and where the Nebraska regents will meet and decide if they're going to the Big Ten. (They're going, but guiding shi guiding.) 

 TEXAS DOES HAVE SOME REASON TO LISTEN. Or alternately, Texas has a reason to listen, and then watch Texas A&M leave the nest and come to the SEC. Texas remains a highly unlikely add for the SEC save one detail: it may keep rights to its regional media outlets, the same wrinkle that makes UGA $11 million a year on top of their SEC TV money. Also in the same article, as if this weren't completely obvious now: that meeting in Austin yesterday to 'save" the Big 12 "failed" and the conference is "doomed."  

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT: TSK is all over TAMU joining the SEC, and so is Gene Stallings, the former Alabama coach and Aggie regent pushing the hell out of the TAMU-to-the-SEC proposal internally.