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Happy Cinco de Mayo, the day honoring frat bros commitment to Mexican beer, sweet weekends in Cancun, and Jennifer Lopez's fine 2000ish ass, the pinnacle of all derriere development in the human species.* Machete also has a special message for the state of Arizona, which you'll watch just to see a motorcyle with a gatling gun mounted on the front. 

IT'S JUST BRUISED CALM DOWN MRS. MUSTAIN. Matt Barkley's hand, dinged after Barkley completed the Kurt Warner Checkdown to the top of a helmet in practice, is merely bruised, and thus will be fine after the usual USC physical therapy treatment reserved for quarterbacks and All-Americans: a thorough and continuous rub with the immaculate breasts of no fewer than thirty stunning women. It's the Leinart Deep Tissue massage, and it's kept USC quarterbacks healthy for years now. 

LAMAR THOMAS WILL ATTEND AND BE MUGGED BY AN ALABAMA FAN. No one's confirming anything official in terms of specifics (it's going to be Miami) but Alabama's now annual roadshow opponent in Atlanta will likely be Miami (because it's going to be Miami.) For the 1993 theme, please dress accordingly in Cross Colors and Dwayne Wayne shades. 

LE SOLID VERBAL. Escucha aqui por la "Solid Verbal" podcast con Dan y Ty, los podcasters supremo. Unfortunamente, this edition does not include a possible on-air Houston Nutt defecation. 

TEACHING THE COVER 3 IT'S SO EASY YOU COULD DO IT. Or maybe not, since it doesn't look all that easy, but if you want a fascinating look at defending pass routes out of the Cover 3, please see Brophy's primer on the Cover 3 and teaching defense within it. Upon further review, you'll see precisely why defensive backs are often terrified, skittish people. 

YOUR OBVIOUS NEWS OF THE DAY. Yeah, Bryce Brown is probably still leaving Tennessee, and is probably still the cautionary tale against recruiting guys who have anything resembling a self-proclaimed recruiting svengali in their camp. Derek Dooley's complete refusal to give a fuck about this is kind of endearing DON'T MAKE US LOVE YOU EVIL OPPONENT. 

YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO DO THIS. A full 15% of Nashville's population has been displaced by this weekend's flooding, a sum total of around 90K people who likely don't have flood insurance and will be deeply and completely screwed by a fluky, once-in-a-century weather pattern. Donate via text message to the Red Cross Music City relief effor, if only to keep local songwriters from writing terrible songs about it to pay off the damage. It's really in your best interest in the long run to do this, see? 

*Not actually Mexican, but neither is Cinco de Mayo, really.