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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/21/2010

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A CLASSIC FOR YOUR WEEKEND'S BEGINNING. The Cal Band's 2007 all-video game tribute, complete with the band yelling "MORTAL KOMBAAAATTT!!!" in the middle. The Mario Brothers suite at the end is particularly moving, bu if the Zelda theme doesn't make you tear up heroically...man, we don't even know who you are anymore. 

BEST WISHES: To Frank Beamer's wife Cheryl, who tripped over a family dog while holding one of her grandchildren and suffered a horrific fall with a bogglesome list of injuries: six broken ribs, a broken clavicle, and rods put in both legs. Swift recovery to all involved, and some kind of Grandmothering Medal of Honor awarded for protecting the baby in the fall. Gravity is the enemy of the Beamer family, and that's too bad for gravity, because Frank Beamer will kick its ass one day with Bud Foster betting on the match like it was a hot backwoods bear-baiting match. 

SO CONFLICTED. Step one: stand next to guy arguing with Orrin Hatch, scream "FUCK YOU, HE'S RIGHT!" at intrusive Senator. Step two: realize you're agreeing with Bill Hancock, head of the BCS. Step three: scream "FUCK YOU TOO, THOUGH" at Hancock. Step four: leave, because you've probably done enough here, and the Capitol Police have their tasers out and are walking toward you. 

NOT WITHOUT INCREASING OFFENSIVE OUTPUT TO AT LEAST TEN POINTS A GAME. Nebraska can't be next year's Alabama without some semblance of offense since their offense was putrescent last year to a degree unseen since...shit, dare we say Mississippi State's Croom-bone? That may actually be unfair to Croom since Nebraska did have the eight turnover game last year against Iowa State, and the Grand Ocho may stand for quite a while as a low point of offensive anti-achievement. 

BEAST MODES ALL AROUND. In case you'd forgotten, Cal's had a hellacious string of running backs in the past decade, including Marshawn Lynch, who brought us the term beast mode for better and for worse