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IF THE SEC TITLE GAME HAS TO LEAVE ATLANTA

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Before anything else: if the SEC Title game leaves Atlanta for any reason--and in one still-farfetched scenario, it might--then a real tragedy would befall the city of Atlanta, mostly because we would no longer be able to hop on a MARTA train and be at the game in 15 minutes. This robs us of so many small pleasures and conveniences: 

  • Yelling at Alabama fans to leave the train. This is no exaggeration: despite huge signs reading "GEORGIA DOME" and "FOOTBALL THAT WAY" along with several pre-literate signs with stick figures heading to a stick figure football game, Alabama fans stand in immobile clumps until someone yells "GET OFF THE GODDAMN TRAIN." 
  • Last year, that person was ours truly, both before and especially after the game. 
  • We could have been telling them to get off at the Fulton County Jail, and they would have hopped off without question. 
  • If we're both there in 2010, we're totally going to tell Alabama fans to get off at the Fulton County Jail. 
  • Telling visitors that Old National Highway is a good place to eat and spend the evening after the game. 
But but but: if the SEC Championship game did leave Atlanta for some reason, don't dick around with the locale, SEC overlords. You know where you should have it. Your cardiologist and attorney will hate it, but every fiber of your being not aligned with their professional interests (note: not financial) knows it to be right. Take that gig to NOLA and do not think twice. 

Neworleans4_medium

If your team makes the Sugar Bowl or rotating National Title game, that's two possible trips in a month. As an ATLien, we'd love to keep the game. But if it's got to leave us for another woman, let it be that crazy ass hot mess of a stripper who cooks well and likes to stay up far, far too late for their own good. Do it for the conference. Do it for your butter tooth. Do it for America.