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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/19/2010

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DAHHH DIT-DIT-DAAHHH DUH-DUH-DIT-DAHHHH. Games between Miami and FSU hit so much harder when both teams were stocked to the gills with fleet men from western Palm Beach county and they took place in an Orange Bowl seconds from collapsing on its denizens. 

Musburger still doesn't quite sound right as an ABC voice to us, but then again we're ooooold enough to be suspicious of any announcer not man enough to work a game with a discreet but still evident two martini buzz. That intro was the best part of the game, as Miami beat Florida State in a 31-0 asswhippin'. 

WE TOLD YOU BRAZIL WAS A CANDIDATE. Jim Delany all but acknowledged the heat death of the Midwest when he mentioned the damning demographics of the region, which means WE WERE RIGHT IT'S GONNA BE BRAZIL. Or Texas, or some other loopy possibilities sometime in the next 11 months, the precise and exact amount of time this will take to line up properly. One question: if the demographic argument skews towards the cursed Sun Belt, why is tropical Nebraska a lock?

ANOTHER BIG TEN NOTE: Why is the conference cool with Brian Kelly not attending the meetings?

WE HATE TO SEE ANY PLAYER LEAVE THE PROGRAM BUT MAN IT HELPS RECRUITING SOMETIMES. Star Jackson is a likely transfer from Alabama after seeing little playing time and angering Nick Saban's very sensibilities by being named "Star." Parents of Alabama children desiring scholarships: consider naming child "Process," "Coachable," and "Intelligent Safety" if you desire to please your new overlord. 

BLASPHEMY. Norm Chow might not belong on this list anymore, at least based on what he's done at UCLA, though judging him based on UCLA's duct-tape-and-happy-thoughts offensive line's play the past two years is harsh. McElwain totally belongs on this list, especially since he uses the rollout, which while covered frequently in the pros with no harm apparently turns college defenders into blind Weeble-Wobbles begging to be run past effortlessly. 

THESIS: IF THE ACC CAN GET TV MONEY SHIT WE'VE GOT TO GET SOME. It's a solid assumption, actually, from Building the Dam re: the Pac-10's possible television fortunes. What the conference should understand is this: people on the East Coast will watch Pac-10 football because it's college football and comes on later, thus extending the viewing day in a pleasurable fashion and delaying real life. Therefore get a solid contract, make sure it's not on HGTV (ferns in the booth!) and turn the conference into mid-evening to late night viewing of choice. 

AND WITH ALL SERIOUSNESS: The NCAA is fucking useless until proven otherwise. If you want to help, talk to the people at the 12th Man. And if you don't, then suggest a school can't promote a benefit for a the family of a dead highschooler because it violates NCAA rules.  

*TROLL BAIT GETS TROLLS DELICIOUS TROLL BAIT ONLY FROM TURFMAN'S TROLL BAIT AND GENTLEMAN'S DERMATOLOGICAL ABRASIVES DIVISION.