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IN WHICH THE NORMALLY GENTEEL COMMISSIONER SHOWS SOME CLAW. Mike Slive does not anticipate any Lane Kiffin moments from Derek Dooley, which gives him a chance to do what everyone in the SEC does whenever the door is open: heap shovels of tacks and sharp bits of metal on Lane Kiffin

"We'll have to see, (but) I don't anticipate anything like that happening again," Slive said Monday during the Associated Press Sports Editors' Southeast Regional meeting at Alabama Sports Hall of Fame. "I wish him well, I really do - as long as he's in California."

The minute he goes into Nevada, though? Slive's sending Raylan Givens, giving him 24 hours to leave, and then it's time to see if you can draw first. Same for you, Delany

ARKANSAS HAS TEN AFTER BOTH PUT FIVE ON IT. Fulmer Cup points will be adjusted accordingly, but Arkansas is owed one in the count since both Hunter Miller and David Gordon were picked up for marijuana possession after they re-enacted the Spicoli entrance scene from Fast Times At Ridgemont High. 

Miller and Gordon were observed by a police officer in a university parking lot lying in the back seat of a vehicle Monday evening. The police officer approached the vehicle and could spell a strong odor of burnt marijuana, according to a preliminary arrest report. A cloud of smoke rolled out of the vehicle when Miller opened the door and a plastic bag containing a "green leafy substance" was found inside the driver's side door panel, according to the report.


WE REFUSE TO DEFINE THE LENGTH OF THIS HANGING ROPE. Dave Brandon won't set any specific goals for the next year of the Rodriguez Smurf Massacre, which is very intelligent because he would likely give Rodriguez another year barring a complete debacle this year as this is Michigan, and switching coaches twice in a decade would break the brass controls on their tastefully retro and slow-moving ship of state.  

KILLER HEADLINE, BRAH. College football is coming to Wrigley Field! Sort of! The venue would be picturesque, the confines tight, and if they're not pussies they'll work the brick wall into it. The baseball stadium we'd most like to see college football played in is Pac Bell AT&T Corporate Whore Park Whatever with one of the outfield walls knocked out so touchdowns could finish in the endzone of San Francisco Bay.