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Spring games abounded this weekend: let us peruse them with the appropriate amount of interest and mild disrespect for any meaningful extrapolations from their results. 

The attendance was but a mere 65,000 or so--shitty weather hampered the usual bum-rushing of the gates here--but tOSU's spring game did feature a fair dose of Terrelle Pryor casually flexing his newfound ability to throw over the middle, but was more about the backups at qb, where Kenny Guiton managed to put some daylight between himself and prototypical Tressel qb Joe Bauserman. (White, unimpressive in context, and could probably win ten or eleven games anyway in headscratching fashion.) 

SOMEWHAT LESS EXCITING: Illinois had 2000 or so fans for their spring scrimmage, and if you were one of the ones there a spot in Fan Valhalla awaits you for somehow staying loyal through this horrific era of Illini football. (That could be said at just about any time in Illini history, but sure, take the credit now.) Their quarterback race is tight, but not in the good way. 

BILL SNYDER LOVES A BLOWOUT, EVEN WHEN IT'S HIS TEAM VERSUS HIS TEAM. Carson Coffman and the Purple team destroyed the White team 79-0 in K-State's spring scrimmage. Hopefully the part of the White team was played by Weber State, which would a.) totally be a Bill Snyder classic move, and b.) would mean K-State just hadn't engaged in a form of hazing even the rapiest fraternity would call "excessive." Bill Snyder = No Vaseline. 

MEANWHILE ACROSS THE STATE: While not concluded by any stretch of the imagination, a strong performance in the spring game for Kansas has us all one step closer to the Kale Pick Singularity at quarterback. He threw two TDs and no himselves. 

DJ WOODS, MARDY GILYARD HANDS THE PORKOPOLIS BALLER'S HAT TO YOU. Woods stepped up nicely in Cincy's spring game, catching six passes for 88 yards and a TD and throwing a sixty yard completion to Vidal Hazelton, too. Braids with shells are a must to properly fill the role, however. 

THIS STRANGE MUSIC CALLED DEFENSE. Just assume a dimensional polarity inversion happened in Houston, whose spring game somehow involved "defense." 

WE DEMAND VIDEO IMMEDIATELY. From the Michigan State spring game

THE BEST 6-YARD RUN. EVER. In the second quarter, 360-lb. Antonio Jeremiah lined up at fullback, took the hand-off from Cousins, and rumbled through the line for six yards before being tackled by what had to be a stunned Jon Misch. I don't expect this to be a goal-line play for MSU this season as the handoff was slow to develop, but I believe there's no higher form of entertainment than watching an offensive lineman rumbling down the field with the ball, leaving the crushed bodies of safeties and cornerbacks in his wake.

Mark Dantonio's descent into madness is not, it appears, totally complete. GO CRAZY TIE-MAN GO. 

ARKANSAS DOES THIS PROPERLY: Even teams, over 700 yards of offense, and loads of festivity even without Ryan Mallett. 

RASHOMON-ON-WESTWOOD. UCLA looked pretty good; or they didn't; directed by Akira Kurosawa. 

AND IF YOU DO INDEED CARE ABOUT BOSTON COLLEGE: They might have a qb controversy.