AND YOU WILL BELIEVE IN LOVE. Soundtrack for today from our close personal friend Rufus Wainwright. <---TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY TRUE.
HARF OUR TURF DONE CHANGED COLORS. One's a heaux, and the other's just a hoax, and we guarantee you will see at least one more fake turf-change story today because people as a whole are not very original. You know who is changing their turf to their team colors? Baylor! It's going to be green! Isn't that crazy?!?!?!
IF THIS WAS A DAY EARLY AND A JOKE, THEN WELL-PLAYED, Y'ALL. And if not, it's Alabama, and either suffices as an adequate explanation for why you'd name your child "Crimson Tide Redd." And looking at the article...yeah, that's probably fake, or at least that's what we're telling ourselves to preserve the three atoms of hope and respect for humanity we have left in the soul-jar.
"NO." There's this AV Club interview with Joss Whedon where he's asked if there's a God, and his answer is "No." Like, with a big stonkin period at the end and that's your end of discussion bang shut BOOM. And after reading Tony Barnhart write about Clemson for a few hundred words and openly musing about them winning the ACC in a division where Virginia Tech returns their whole backfield and will have your usual Deathbacker-friendly defense, and after they lose CJ Spiller and Jacoby Ford? "No." With the big stonking period on the end of it bang shut BOOM.
YOUR MOST FOOLISH GATOR. We'd go Ronnie Wilson for an all-timer, but in the present we'll choose the Gainesville City Commission because Ladies' Night was when we really put a hurting on the ladies. #hasn'tbeensinglethismilleniumandwontbe
YOUR SECOND MOST FOOLISH GATOR. Carl Moore takes the early lead for this one, missing two practices due to "personal issues" while Frankie Hammond, Deonte Thompson, and a slew of other youngsters press for playing time in the wide receiving corps. None of them bench 405 pounds after shoulder surgery, but Julio Jones was pulled from the bowels of hell in a wartime experiment in WW2, has a giant red fist, and can't be counted as human. (He also sands down his horns to appear normal.)
THE QUOTABLE LES MILES. Say goodbye to a good ten minutes thanks to Cap'n Ken's fantastic creation, the Quotable Les Miles.