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NORTHERN ILLINOIS HAS A WEBSITE THAT SHREDS YOURS INTO MEAT-THREAD

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The Northern Illinois Huskies' football team already has a coach named "Kill," which should be enough to make them your favorite MAC team. Their website's intro page is exhibit B, and it is close to landing a conviction in the case of NIU vs. Awesometown. 

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We were unaware of Coach Kill's deep passion for corn cobs. And sure, you could scream with your kids at a football game, though, but there's so many better, cheaper ways to do this with the whole family: plunging headlong down a mountainside in a stolen Humvee on federal land, for example, or watching Daddy being tased by the cops during a domestic dispute,. Free screaming the whole family can enjoy on both counts, there. We would be shocked that Toledo sells twice as many tickets, but when Jamie Farr or Bruce Gradkowski could show up at any second we understand the demand. Just to get a sight of either is like having God kiss your eyes with his fiery glorious lips.