clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/19/10

New, 43 comments

PON DE FLOOR. It's Friday. That means office daggering, Bundy style. (HT: Flubby) 

We're on assignment for SBN today, so the Index will likely be it for today unless Dollar Bill Doug decides to drop some wisdom on that ass. Apologies, but we have to go drive laps at Talladega. No, they know we're coming this time. (Shout out to the Talladega Police!) 

YOU HAVE A "CONSULTANT" YOU SAY? /PULLSTRAPDOOR. The last man sucked down by the sinking S.S. Kiffin's descent to the seafloor in Knoxville will be...first mate Bryce Brown, who is likely done at Tennessee and is no longer on the team due to the following: 

Bryce Brown came to me today and indicated he’s dealing with a lot of personal and family problems right now," Dooley said. "They’re concerns that I believe stem from — and what he told me stem from — some of the reasons why he came here, and his experience over the first six months that he was here.

...i.e. absurd promises of playing time granted to a freshman in the name of recruiting, and then the souring of the relationship when said promises turned into goal-line carries and spot duty behind Montario Hardesty. If a recruit has a "consultant" or "recruiting svengali," you should immediately throw this recruit off the nearest breezeway. You'll save you, your coaches, and your football program a lot of time in the process. 

OMG LIGHTS INDEED. Michigan will play a night game on 9/10/11 against Notre Dame in the Big House, their first prime-time night game ever. Ann Arbor press corps! This is illegal, against the rules of being a MICHIGAN MAN, and is somehow Rich Rodriguez's fault! See if he's making money off the lights contract! Better yet, investigate his shady relationship with wanting to play at night? IS HE A VAMPIRE OR WORSE YET A LYCANTHROPE? Hey, Drew Sharp: HE MIGHT BE BOTH. These investigations should keep you busy for the next year. You're welcome, sensible Michigan fans. 

I WANT TO TELL HIM HE LOVES YOU. WANTS TO CARESS THOSE BROAD SHOULDERS. RUN A SCENTED BATH FOR YOU WITH ONLY THE FINEST ESSENTIAL OILS. If/when [NAME REDACTED] is finally fired at Illinois and assumes his destined role as "a really qualified special teams coach" (and a good one) at a major school, we shall miss the golden pinata that he is, and his interviews filled with subjectless sentences. 

To wit: 

: Will you be as active with the defense?

A: I won't be more active. I want to be able to get back and observe. I don't want to be as involved. Don't want to be the bad guy. Want to be the good guy. I want to put an arm around a guy and say, "Hey, he really does love you." That can get confusing sometimes.

Especially when the coach is standing on the sidelines holding a The Notebook poster with "YOU" written over Rachel McAdams' face and his own cut into the spot where Ryan Gosling's face should be. That's way confusing, but Vic Koenning is a passionate man and that is his favorite movie so, yeah. You're going to have to deal with it, kid. 

TRADITIONS. THEY'RE IMPORTANT. At two days old this is slightly moldy, but worth a nibble if only to say that if he plans on instituting other SEC traditions from his tenure at Auburn, he could look into a.) shuffling his offensive coordinators and occasionally allowing assistants to undermine them completely, b.) having the Texas Tech board interview other candidates behind his back, c.) dammit that's as bitter as we can be because even though his teams beat Florida consistently he's still charming as hell in person, and probably not evil. (Probably.) 

The "walk" tradition is vastly overplayed. Now, if they rode to the stadium on war-hogs or hippos? NOW we're talking impressive new traditions.