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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/12/2010

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FUCK YOU, FUCK ME, AND FUCK EVERYBODY THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. 

Orangebloods got 'em first, and let that be known, but now Mike Leach's profane post-game speech to his team shall live forever on the internets fluttering from one medium to the next all the while being remixed to various hip-hop beats and inserted into Coors Light ads. 

This is Leach quoting the book of Mike 7:2, which reads: "Yo, wassup, I'm God and if you're lukewarm, I'll spit you out, and if you're piping hot I'll straight eat that shit brah, because a deity is what hungry, I tell ya." 

You should not be shocked at a coach using profanity, but instead should marvel at Leach's breezy, nay almost effortless use of the words "fuck," "motherfucker," and "bullshit." Rich Brooks, for once, does not think this is bullshit. (Note: though this may trouble some prospective employers*, it should dispel the myth that Leach was some kind of academic freak unconcerned with winning. The dude in the video is pissed because they only beat Baylor by a TD.) 

RAMIREZ GO GET THAT RECRUIT FROM BELLE GLADE AND SAVE BURGER TOWN WITH A SPORK AND SOME BEEF JERKY.  It's message board anecdote, but it's amusing nonetheless. 

Apparently Azzanni told Benjamin a story of when Florida Head Coach Urban Meyer recently returned to the football offices in Gainesville. Upon returning after being away for a while Coach Meyer did not greet Azzanni with a hi or hello but rather, "We have to get that freak from Belle Glade."

The saying "freak from Belle Glade" could be said every year, to be fair. We'd also like to commend the poster on a cherry picture of UF receiving great Carlos Alvarez. 

WE HAVEN'T BEEN JOKING ABOUT THAT WHOLE OHIO STATE NOT CARING ABOUT SCORING THING. They'd rather just wait for your clumsy ass to make a mistake fighting the tree-shredder of a defense they have, and there's numbers to back it up. Penn State's offense is far better than you might think it is, though we'd like to see that adjusted for their big games since the Nittany Lions are just as guilty as anyone of unloading many surplus points onto inferior opponents in non-conference games. Michigan's defense was terrible, but the trail of sad LOLcats at MGoBlog in 2009 already taught you that. (HT: Blutarsky, who also bring us this real life Ricky Bobby moment from Paul Johnson.) 

THE SOUND OF PRODUCTIVITY SLOWING TO AN EVEN FEEBLER CRAWL IN THE STATE OF ALABAMA. The Crimson Tide start practice today, where they will have to replace three of four starters and a slew of backups as Nick Saban performs his annual tradition of making the entire team cry with his angry skull face routine. (We mean this. Nick Saban has the most terrifying anger face in all of college football: the skin goes grey and tightens across his face, all blood flushes out of it, and he yells with a volume belonging to a man three times his size. We've seen it in press conferences. It's marrow-chilling.) 

AND TASTEFULLY NAMED, TO BOOT. L'Damian Washington, WR, was a pleasant surprise for Mizzou as their spring practices wrap up, both because he caught everything thrown his way from Monsieur Gabbert, and also because despite great effort he never found the vowel missing from the first pre-apostrophe article in his chosen name. The Tigers will soldier on without it. 

*pussies you wouldn't want to work for anyway