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BECAUSE IT'S THE OFFSEASON: MASCOT ASSAULT

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Greatness announces itself with "Yakety Sax," a rule obeyed by the Louisville sports news crew who, in the midst of an on-air promo for Mascot Bowl, found themselves televising the sexual assault of a person in a bat suit at the hands/claws/legs of a person in a crab costume. The video refuses to embed here, but go here, watch video six, and go to the 2:20 mark to cut to the chase of what happens when passions between furry mascots and inflatable mascots spark and catch fire.

Freek has saved the day for those of you who cannot watch it, and has condensed the drama into convenient gif form.

Mascot_hump_medium

via i9.photobucket.com

The panties falling off the bird only confirm your suspicions that inflatable mascots are terrifying sexual deviants who, if they moved into your neighborhood, would likely be forced by the law to announce their presence to their neighbors door-to-door. WHEE THIS IS MY RAPE BIKE. Lil Red has never been seen within five hundred feet of a school, and never will if he doesn't like the idea of prison. We kid! Lil Red isn't a pedophile, but is instead an accomplished murderer/rapist. Calling him anything but that is selling his immense talents short of their real worth. 

P.S. Inflatable mascots scare the shit out of us. Please kill them all with fire. (HT: @rabithead via Twitter.)