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VIRGINIA TECH AND BOISE TO OPEN SEPTEMBER 6TH IN POTTERSVILLE STADIUM

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Virginia Tech and Boise State will officially begin the 2010 season at FedEx Field, aka the Pottersville of football stadiums where the oxygen isn't free, people come to get drunk and drunk fast, mister, and there's no such thing as a critical sign not worth confiscating. If Virginia Tech fans with overlapping allegiances are in attendance, signs suggesting that Dan Snyder molests baby pandas will be mandatory. By the way, the running water will be turned off for the game, and bottles will be available for purchase for forty-five dollars at concession stands for personal use along with FedEx fan favorites like popcorn, potato chips, and blocks of Snyder's Snack Salt. . No re-entry during the game will be allowed, and no beverages or food may be brought in by guests. 

The matchup is peerless: Boise again has to take five planes to get across the country, three for the team and staff and one for each huge testicle, and Virginia Tech continues its tradition of getting the season off to a bracing start by taking a non-confernece weasel (Alabama last year,) dropping it in its pants, and then cinching the belt tight and standing stoically without complaint to test their mettle. Frank Beamer's ferret-legging isnt' entirely brave--after all, at FedEx Field, they are all but guaranteed a home crowd barring some kind of insane airlift involving the Idaho Air National Guard and twenty thousand Idahoans. 

It is nice, though, to see two teams committed to getting the season off to a one hundred percent ballsy start. Hey, Florida opens with Miami this year, so we're improving!* Thanks, Jeremy Foley! 

(*"of Ohio")