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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/9/2010

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MAN WE NEED A PICK-ME-UP. Just feeling depleted, like we lack the necessary energy to function, much less please the harem of ladies who obviously crave our attention. If only--

---OH AND NOW WE'RE READY FOR COACH HUNT 2010, AKA "DAN-TRACKER." That's Florida right there in the yellow shirt, seemingly too thin to compete at the moment, and then BAM WITH THE MAGNUM TONIC WINE and suddenly the ladies are all up ons. How do you do it, Yellow Shirt Magnum Tonic Wine Man? (IT'S THE MAGNUM TONIC WINE.*)

*Not tested by the FDA or approved, evaluated, or any other regulatory agency. MAGNUM TONIC WINE is a subsidiary of Turfman's Industries.

URBAN MEYER URBAN MEYER RURBAM NEYER RNABU YEREM. The limits of mass coherence have been reached as far as signal/noise ratio on Meyer reactions, and yet here we go anyway. Tony Barnhart manages to devote 60% of a column to talking about how much he didn't like Meyer, and then says you should miss him anyway, which is really the perfect Georgia fan's farewell to him. Pat Forde is taking a flyer on the con man card, and if you read Thayer Evans' column and take the first letter of every word it spells out "CAM NEWTON RAPED AN ICE CREAM CART AND DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE WHEN HE WAS AT FLORIDA." Alligator Army can't get past the 7-5 season, and neither can we, something we'll write a little bit about later.

The one thing you should take from all the mainstreamish takes: Urban Meyer was as pleasant to deal with as an urchin suppository for the media.

OH, YES: VIDEO. If you missed the video the first time around, here it is.

DANTRACKER. Sorority girls of Mississippi State are begging Dan Mullen to stay, but no one likes a pleading mess, ladies. If it's a begging sorority girl war you want, we're happy to enter it. Mullen is saying everything he's supposed to, and it sucks for Mississippi State. It really and truly does. There's little else to say about it from their perspective: he's a very good coach, and Miss State will get outbid on every front if he is their first choice, and it sucks. For the moment, however, just chill and buy some bowl game tickets. Nothing's set in stone, and this could all fall apart in a moment. <----APPLIES TO EVERYTHING.

FOR THE WAGERING SORTS: A brief update of the odds, per Bodog.com:

 


Dan Mullen                     EVEN (1/1)
Bob Stoops                     3/1
Charlie Strong                4/1
Kyle Whittingham           9/2
Chris Petersen               5/1
Gus Malzahn                  7/1
Gary Paterson                15/1
Steve Spurrier                15/1
Dave Wannstedt             20/1
Jim Harbaugh                 20/1

ABOUT CHAAAAHLIE. Strong is a candidate, but the chances of him leaving Louisville after his long and lonely path through the wilderness as an abandoned token interview candidate for a solid decade seem quite small. Money is always a factor, but Strong's also extremely loyal and making a solid bankroll at Louisville. There's no rule that you can't leave a job after a year, but you can't leave a job after a year unless your name is Todd Graham or Bobby Petrino, and that's kind of the whole gist of the rule in that last clause right there.

 IN COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NEWS: hahahaha, it's just more Urban Meyer replacement speculation, specifically on Bobby Petrino, the first choice of Foley in 2009 to replace Meyer and someone whose ass will drop to the ground for the right amount of dollars. In case he makes the jump, we look forward to the perfect match of reptile mascot with reptilian head coach, and note Gainesville's abundant fly and cockroach population for easy Petrino-feeding. 

HE'D DOMINATE, YO. Terrelle Pryor says he'd dominate if it weren't for this this damn non-spread stuff, man.

They carry the ball 30 times a game. I carry the ball maybe five times. There are times I didn't even run the ball in a game. You put me in any of their offenses, where I can run the ball and have a choice to throw, I would dominate college football."/


"I'll put it like this: You put me in any of their offenses — any of them — and I'd dominate," Pryor said, when asked about the attention afforded the likes of Newton, Robinson and Persa. "I'd dominate the nation. What those guys do, that's what they're supposed to do in their offense.

He then goes on to say all he cares about is winning, and that's what Ohio State does, so curb your inner troll. 

WHAT IS ALL OF THEM, ALEX? The current available open head coaching jobs in the United States that Mike Leach is interested in, Alex. Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the spectrum, offensive coordinator Shawn Watson is allegedly interviewing for the Vanderbilt job but is not suspected to be in the final cut. The first part was "ooooh" for Nebraska fans, and the last part was "AWWWWWWWW."

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS NO DO NOT CLICK WHATEVER YOU DO.