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BOWL GAME ANNOUNCEMENT LIVEBLOG: HO BOWLING AND PETER THE GREAT'S BALLER SELF

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We wanted to come up with the proper pun/bit of wordplay to work in the word "bowl" with the announcement of the bowls. Then we remembered that on his Grand Tour of Europe, Peter The Great and his Russian cohorts allegedly greased the floors of their hotel in London and threw prostitutes down the hallway into stacks of furniture, a sport we dubbed "Ho Bowling." Peter the Great also tortured his own son to death, and thus perfected hip-hop menace to an unthinkable degree three full centuries plus before you even attempted it.

This is to let you know that Peter The Great's Ho Bowling makes as just sense as ending the season as we do, so grease up the hallways and prepare to be tossed by the drunken seven-foot emperor of our sport's epilogue-writer into a random piece of geographic furniture.