EXPRESS EDITION OH MY GOD THERE'S A LOT GOING ON TODAY
HEY LOOK DRUNK GUY
That's Bubbaprog's work if you didn't recognize it (and you are missing out on so very much if you don't.) Tennessee is wondering if the game will ever end, and Butch Davis says he has now beat two things God obviously hates; cancer and Derek Dooley. The refs got the call at the end of the game right: Yates did in fact snap the ball with one second left on the clock in the savviest spike of the year, and the call of illegal substitution (five yards) is the correct call because they were attempting to leave the field after a no-huddle situation, and not because they were trying to participate in the play (Illegal participation, fifteen horrible yards.) This may say more about us than the officiating crew, but it took at least 45 minutes to figure that out last night after the Music City Bowl. The officials got it right in about three minutes of discussion, so in this case LOL BIG TEN REFS does not apply.
(It does however apply here. We salute you, aesthetes of the NCAA Rules Committee! As it turns out, based on the evidence of the UNC/UT game versus the Syr/K-State game, you just need to make a jaunty salute, not a straightforward one, in order to avoid a penalty flag. FLAIR COUNTS.)
BO PELINI DEALT WITH THE LOSS BY STRANGLING AN ENTIRE HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE IN TIJUANA. We barely made it to the end of the Holiday Bowl, but two salient points must be made. First, Nebraska's offense was never the same after the injury to Taylor Martinez, but their offensive line would have gotten a fresh 1999 Michael Vick killed last night. On the safety Nebraska gave up last night, they got a holding call not on the guy who let Alameda Ta'amu through, but on the second guy who had no resort but tackling the massive Polynesian. Atrocities in all direction, but Corn Nation has excuses ready to go.
Second, Washington would have been way better off ditching the pro-style stuff Sarkisian was leaning on at the beginning of the year and doing what they did offensively last night: let Locker, a subpar passer but a superb runner, go glorified high school offense all year long. His erratic career received an evening-long prostate massage from the announcers last night, right down to shades of merely knowing Jake Locker's name will make your pastries fluffier and your life more rich for knowing him.
CAR CARE BOWL BECAUSE YOU REALLY CARE. USF's perspective is here, Clemson's is here, why not more Clemson from Block C here, and made-up person "Carter Blackburn" has the call from Charlotte at noon. Podcast to follow for the open thread. (On pace for all 35! Just barely, but it counts on aircraft carrier landings!)
YES HAHAHA YOU'LL HAVE TO WIN WITHOUT THE FORCE. Yeah, Forcier's out for the bowl game. Scotch guard and baby-proof Denard, and you'll be fine!
YOU'RE IN LUCK AHAHAHA SHOOTS SELF. Andrew Luck allegedly leaning towards staying at Stanford. Why he'd stick around at a jock school where his degree will get him nowhere is mystifying, but the drink specials in Palo Alto must be far better than we imagined.