NICK SABAN SAYS HAPPY HOLIDAYS WITH HIS MAGIC HIPS. Remember Nick Saban's first year at Alabama, lo so many years ago? (2006, aka the Year of Chris Leak's crystalline blue eyes and Jarvis Moss's nine foot long arms.) They did lose to University of Louisiana-Monroe, but victory came with an eventual triumph over Dan Hawkins and Colorado in the 2007 Independence Bowl, and then Nick Saban's holiday classic, "Nick Saban Does The Cupid Shuffle."
For $11 million a year, you better get a quality Cupid Shuffle out of your head coach. Nick Saban's hips say happy holidays in the sexiest way imaginable, and hope the process of your holiday celebrations do not interfere with you making weight, because you're going to say you didn't eat anything, and he knows the air doesn't have calories.
HE'S ALSO A TRUSTWORTHY SOURCE HERE. He's also a quality advocate for his own roster depth, but every coach really and truly is. (Note that you'll not hear Gene Chizik make the same argument since rookie salaries at Auburn and in the NFL are, in most cases, competitive when you consider the benefits packages.) This might create some serious roster crunch due to an incoming class of 22 signees at Alabama, but what Alabama loses in players the state gains in the form of bold football-players-turned-rural-doctors. (That is what medical scholarship means, yes?)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY COACH TIRESIAS. If Joe Paterno had really lived life as a woman and a man, we'd understand. He's certainly been around long enough to play the parts of both Orlando and Tiresias, and doesn't look a day older than 30,000 on this, December 21st 2010, his 84th birthday. The most astonishing random number from this list: Paterno has coached 26 father-son combinations in his time at Penn State since 1950. (Hell, at this point, he's probably buried a few.)
THE MAN BEHIND THE BOG. Dan Steinberg has kind words for Ralph Friedgen, the man who made being a beat writer bearable and who inadvertently named the DC Sports Bog. We reiterate our admiration for Friedgen insisting Maryland fire his ass, because fuck you, that's why.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET THERE FIRST. Duplicate tickets abound for the Sugar Bowl, but if it's a race to the box office, we'll bet on one fanbase getting there first for obvious reasons. Buckeye rejoinder: HA! BECAUSE THEIR POWERCHAIRS HAVE THE GOVERNORS REMOVED AND EVEN FAT PEOPLE CAN SOAR AT 15 MPH ON THE MIGHTY TANK POWERCHAIR. (via 11 Warriors.)
BRONCO MENDENHALL IS ICY. Bronco Mendenhall has told his offensive coaching staff they need to look for other jobs while he evaluates their performance, so yeah, you might want to go ahead and find new jobs because you're done. (Given the improvement in Jake Heaps performance over the second half of the season firing offensive coordinator Robert Anae seems a bit rash, but his name is Bronco. You do not tell him what to do.)
THOUGHTS, PRAYERS, ETC: Please direct your kind and sympathetic thoughts to Miami sophomore running back Mike James, who lost his mother in a car accident on Monday in Orlando. (Via @pretzel_logic )