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THE HORDES OF NIU FANS CELEBRATE! On a frigid night in Dekalb, their resounding joy could be heard from up to a block away.

WE'LL NEED AMMUNITION POWERFUL ENOUGH TO BLAST THROUGH THE HIDE OF A RIGHT WHALE, SON. Nothing is official yet besides this: Maryland wants Ralph Friedgen out, is working to accomplish this very thing, and that Mike Leach is the first candidate on the list. There are other blatant guesses out there for candidates, including some crackhead floating the notion of Fightin' Mike Locksley. These are the same people firing out rumors like this, and they are obviously plants by the Pirate King's supporters to make Leach seem palatable in comparison when he shows up sane and sans Sean Salibury, offensive coordinator. There will be more on this, obviously, but for the record this is exactly how we feel about the potential arrival of Leach in the ACC.

JUST TAKE THE WHOLE BOISE STAFF AT THIS POINT. Boise's former defensive coordinator, Justin Wilcox of Tennessee, has replaced Florida's Teryl Austin as the likely replacement for Will Muschamp at Texas. This comes after a pan-flash of a rumor that Texas was also interested in Boise's current offensive coordinator Brian Harsin, and means the entire Boise State football offices sans Chris Petersen will be airlifted by burnt orange helicopters in the middle of the cold Boise night sometime in the coming week. (The Grinch is Mack Brown, and he's giving nothing back.)

Norm Chow is now out of the discussions for offensive coordinator, because he has NFLAIDS and will require immediate treatment to suppress the incurable but treatable disease. The rest of the coaching search for Texas

is summarized here by Thujone, and yes, everything is funnier with dicks.

WE SUGGEST YOU START BY KICKING SOMEONE OFF THE TEAM. Will Muschamp plans to build an actual Florida disciplinary code of some sort. There's no joke here besides that which is already extant in the prior sentence. Have a nice roll on the floor, you.

THE COMPUTER HAS DETERMINED YOU ARE IN ERROR. Chris Petersen thinks your line is crap, buster, and it probably is because Chris Petersen's computing power is unquestionable and functions in all time zones and climates.

FIU FANS ARE SO PROFESSIONAL THEY OPT TO WATCH THE GAME FROM THE ICY DETACHMENT OF A VIDEO MONITOR. Their devotion to film study must explain their inability to sell even a thousand tickets to their bowl game.

DON'T LISTEN TO THIS IF YOU HAVE EVER TYPED TL;DR. The podcast last week with Scipio got way rambly, so listen only if you are very, very serious about killing time.

SOMEHOW STEVE KRAGTHORPE COULD HAVE CURSED EVEN THIS LEVEL OF COMPETITION.  Louisville won the Beef O'Brady's dance-off in convincing fashion, or at least that's the way it looks in these photos. Southern Miss apparently had no defense for the Cardinals' aerial choreography, and boy wouldn't that be appropriate for the 103rd ranked pass defense in the nation. This beats Steve Kragthorpe's dance program, which consisted of The Bartman, an extremely inaccurate Macarena, and the Safety Dance.