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The athleticism is obviously a matter of inheritance, because that's quite a sideways leap there. Pat Sullivan looks like he knows this whole thing is bullshit, and Bo is clutching that Heisman just a little too obviously. ("No, you can't have it. It's mine. MINE. PLEASE MY BRILLIANT ATHLETIC CAREER ENDED WITH ONE OF THE MOST FREAKISH INJURIES EVER JUST LET ME HAVE THIS YOU GIFTED GIANT.")

WE SMELL WACKY BUDDY COMEDY. Dana Holgorsen officially became the coach-in-waiting at West Virginia, and the people at Smoking Musket are already welcoming the Dude, a.k.a. Skullet-or, with a beer and joyous tidings. Holgorsen's duties in 2011 will include becoming the offensive coordinator, quarterbacks coach, and learning the ropes of the WVU job, i.e. showing up at the Strawberry Festival, getting his Ph.D in folksiness, and learning to dip discreetly. Not included in job description: having a celebratory beer with fans during blowouts (though if he pulled the Stone Cold Steve Austin, smashed two together and then poured them in on the sidelines, he woudl instantly become our favorite football coach of all time.)

DAN MULLEN DID NOT INVENT THE GAME OF FOOTBALL. For a Miami dude to say this, it probably means you are uncontrollably arrogant in an interview situation.

UM thought Nebraska's Bo Pelini had some interest, but he changed his mind. And UM was turned off by Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen's big ego, with one trustee saying he acts like he invented the game.

We interviewed Mullen at SEC Media days two years ago, and he was beyond nice and polite, but that's not the situation where you're telling everyone how awesome you are. Then again, the following year he called out Nick Saban for having no first round NFL-drafted quarterbacks, so perhaps he can be as nasty as he wants to be.

DOES THIS END WITH GO TO HELL JIM DELANY? THEN WE MAY BE IN FAVOR OF IT.  Mark Cuban, a Swiss sports conglomerate, 300 billion dollars, and a playoff proposal. LET'S DO THIS AND GET THE QATAR BOWL ON. There is no response from the current owners parties of interest in college football, though the joy of seeing Jim Delany and the Rose Bowl cut loose from the rope....oh, the sweetness of that. (And in this Touching the Void scenario, let's be honest: we're not waiting all that long to cut the rope. Wind? Screaming? So hard to tell. Oh well-- [snip!] [THUMP])

Not surprisingly, some people are all up ons:

Wheeler is in the process of visiting all the conferences to pitch ISL's proposal. The MWC seems to be solidly in favor of the plan he is placing on the table. The league is "100 percent" behind it, Fehlberg said.

We bet they are. This would lead to a new and even more extravagant form of corruption, and if this doesn't turn you on a little bit you shouldn't be reading this blog. It's wrong, but dammit, it's so arousing.

Seriously, here's the Cuban proposal, which we conflated with an eleven year old article, and shit, we need to slow down. Apologies for the usual incompetence, and we'll be over here breaking a few chairs.

CANNON SMITH'S OFFENSE OFF THE FIELD OUTWEIGHS HIS OFFENSE ON THE FIELD. The Memphis quarterback and son of FedEx CEO Fred Smith was arrested for public intox and disorderly conduct in Memphis following a dispute with a cabbie, and holy shit how bad was it to get him arrested as the son of Fred Smith in Memphis?

THIS IS CLEAR. because this...this needs the PAUSE button.

Propelled by the prophetic musings of David Climer at the Tennessean Newspaper, found the axe befall upon Robbie Caldwell after his eleventh game, in a short head coaching tenure despite his amusing humor. Speaking with Dave the very next week in articulated conversation, noted the awareness that enough was not being done for dear old Dudley Field.

If you are an English major, please burn your degree, sir, and then begin scrubbing the anchor for the imminent arrival of its rightful skipper, the Detestable Mr. Leach.

BEN FRANKLIN HAD SOME WORDS FOR BEING DRUNK. From the amazing lexicon of the 18th century's finest hedonist:

Seen a Flock of Moons,
Smelt of an Onion,
He’s been among the Philippians,
He’s contending with Pharaoh,
He’s burnt his Shoulder,
He’s got his Top Gallant Sails out,
He makes Virginia Fence,
Got the Indian Vapours.