Dammit. What is this crap? Who's Sandman? And why do we want to enter him? I ain't entering nobody on command, much less some dude. I got nothing against Jews, mind you. But this man is strictly I'm asking questions but you know I don't give a rat's ass, because I'm Paul Johnson and I love four things.
- Option football
- Picking my teeth with a crowbar
- Chicken gizzards
- The thought that one day I'll die and not have to deal with big reeking sacks full of vagina blossoms like you.
Some lawyer wrote this about us.
Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech (7 units) (THURSDAY (TONITE), 7:30 PM ET, ESPN): I host a football handicapping competition at my website called The 2010 Cheddar Bay Invitational Reality Football Extravaganza (pick four ATS each week, at least one NFL, and at least one NCAA, and pick one of the four each week to count three times). The competition is is named after a dream deferred when I lost a Browns-related wager to someone who, had I won, would have been required to spend 8 hours in my kitchen on a football weekend wearing an Eric Mangini apron (we would have made one), and baking Red Lobster brand Cheddar Bay biscuits and mixing frozen Lobsteritas for however many people I could have fit in my house.
I'm telling you this for two important reasons, in no particular order: One, is that I'm waiting to receive a cease-and-desist letter from Red Lobster's lawyers about use of the Cheddar Bay name, because I'll probably be able to retire once I get that. To a leather recliner just beneath the letter framed on the wall behind it. A portrait will be commissioned, and that will be fine for me. Probably.
The second reason I'm telling you about the Cheddar Bay competition is that the guy who's in first place, @jimkanicki, is on an 8-0 run over the last two weeks, 11-1 over the last three (3-0 on the weekly "money" picks). Worse, this guy is tweeting at me to wager on Arkansas State on a fucking Tuesday (+1.5 over MTSU). Final score, Ark. St. 51, MTSU 24. He told me Ark St. "first got on [his] radar with a convincing cover at IU."
Okay. So Kanicki's pick of the week this week is Virginia Tech. He says Beamer will want to put on a show tonight. Which is to say that Boise State is the third-ranked force of dominance this season behind the Ducks and Bad Action, and the James Madison loss was just the right wing conspiracy's chemical reaction to the Hokies' loss to the Broncos. All that's well behind Beamer's Boys now. This is another easy one.
I ain't even readin' that. Pass me the crowbar. I got some ass to beat, and you've got some to kiss: mine.