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THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT CONSIDERS BCS INVESTIGATION WANK WANK WANK

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The Utah Attorney General did meet with Justice Department officials about investigating the BCS. This will be difficult to do since, as Bill Hancock is fond of saying, the BCS does not exist. This is also a common claim about the mafia, the Ancient Order of Foresters, the Rosicrucians, and the small tribe of racist midgets that live in our spice rack, but we'll prove the existence of all of them eventually, and then you'll all see how smart we were for believing.* 

The claim is that the BCS is violating the Sherman Anti-Trust Act, the legislation that allowed American Presidents to take monopolistic companies, break them up, and then legally send an infuriated and half drunk William Tecumseh Sherman to burn down the palatial estates of the owners, but only before raiding their liquor cabinets. This comes on the heels of Utah solving all its problems, imprisoning all the bad people in its state, and holding a punch and cake party to celebrate its accomplishments before tackling the issue of the BCS. 

Utah will join an AQ conference next year when it moves to the Pac-10, so you know it's not just petty, selfish motivation after Utah's 2005 freezeout of the national title game. No, it's even better: it's an absurd waste of public money you will root on because it targets an absurd and absurdly ineffective villain, akin to someone beating a leprous huckster to death with sledgehammer. Henry Waxman is removing his pants in his office just reading this, putting on some Jodeci, dimming the lights, and stroking himself just thinking of the chance to hold a hearing. Oh, a hearing...that's it...yeah, baby, you naughty hearing you...

Really, the only upside from all of this is the possibility of Jim Delany and Mike Slive lying to Congress, then going to jail in a merry buddy comedy remake of Let's Go To Prison. If and when that happens, toilet wine toasts all around.

(If they have time to do it, we urge the BCS to also investigate the time the FIesta Bowl raped us and left us for dead in Arizona. It was 1995)

*The documentary about these is called Fraggle Rock. It is worth your attentions.