If Boise State is the "bus," Pat Forde, here's the rest of the top 25 done in a vehicular metaphorical fashion.
Oregon: The F-22 Raptor. Death from above at high speed and with an unbelievable rate of fire. Handling is indescribable. Is actually piloted by a highly intelligent and evolved Velociraptor.
Auburn: Tomahawk Motorcycle. Fast, contains one driver, and no defense in event of emergency.
TCU: Elliot Ness's Ten Ton Flatbed Truck With Reinforced Bumper
Alabama: Jaguar. Will break down once in epic fashion. Luxury the rest of the way, except for that one part that just keeps breaking (Julio Jones' hand.)
Utah: The Porsche Cayenne. Basically an overpriced truck with poor competition.
Wisconsin: Gigantic '74 Cadillac. Driver is drunk.
Oklahoma: Ultralight aircraft. Crash Test Rating NOT APPROVED. Zippy, though.
Ohio State: Toyota Camry. The popular sedan with reliable crash test ratings and zero sex.
Nebraska: 1980 Toyota Pickup truck. Sometimes things fall off of it, but it always runs.
LSU: Burro with a major brain injury. Unstoppable; damaged; terrifying.
Stanford: Airbus A380. Powerful, luxurious. Not too good when it runs into a flock of ducks.
Arizona: Kickass van with moonroof, a few empty beercans rolling on the floor, and coiled rope and handcuffs in the back.
Missouri: An elegant, light, and maneuverable $10,000 road bicycle. When you ride it into a thresher, it and you both die.
Iowa: [SEE ATTACHED PICTURE]
Michigan State: A MiG-29 at an airshow. Soaring, speed, adventure, and then a quick and horrific fiery crash into the ground.
Arkansas: M-1 Abrams Tank. Decent handling, big gun.
South Carolina: Stephen Garcia's Bangbus.
Oklahoma State: Dodge Viper. Impressive horsepower, and no handling whatsoever. Accidents are SPECTACULAR.
Virginia Tech: That thing that carries the space shuttle. Disastrous starting speed, unstoppable steady rolling thereafter.
Mississippi State: Honda Civic. Does what it has to do, man, and all under budget.
Baylor: Kia Rondo. It's good. No, really. We promise.
NC State: Chrysler Sebring. Reliable, boring transportation.
Florida State: Volkswagen Bug. Last cool in 1999, prone to severe wiring malfunctions.
Nevada: Kickass Grand Wagoneer with lift kit. Only good in certain situations, but in those certain settings is unstoppable.
BONUS METAPHOR AFTER THE JUMP FOR TENNESSEE, FLORIDA, MICHIGAN, NOTRE DAME, and TEXAS!
Loading comments...