GREG SCHIANO SHOWS YOU HIS DEXTER FACE.
What you missed in the Rutgers/USF game last night if you did not say, "Hey, Wednesday Big East Football? HOLD MY CALLS, MAUDE?" Perhaps the worst call made out of your own endzone of the year, a screen pass that may have been an audible by Rutgers QB Chas Dowd at the line with the Scarlet Knights squatting in their own endzone.
This was not just your ordinary screen pass. No, Rutgers made sure the running back was way back in that ass, a good two yards deep in the endzone and practically begging to be taken down for two points. Thankfully, this game's final score did not come down to a margin of a few points here or a few points there, as USF won by a score of 28-27. See! No damage done there whatsoever, aside from further denting Rutgers' bowl chances and losing the game on an insane call.
AS RAMZYN PUT IT, IT'S THE BIGGEST VICTORY OF THE RODRIGUEZ ERA AT MICHIGAN. Ramzy is right: the biggest victory of the Rodriguez era not involving a decrepit Notre Dame team suffering a "stunning" loss early to the Wolverines* is Michigan's NCAA decision, which appears to be mostly good news for the program. Michigan will earn a third year of probation, but no further penalties for their practice hours violations. The Detroit Free-Press will undoubtedly lead with the following headline.
RODRIGUEZ EARNS MICHIGAN PROBATION, UNNECESSARILY USES CARDBOARD SLEEVE ON COFFEE CUP ON WAY TO WORK, ISN'T A RAPIST. MOST DEFINITELY NOT A RAPIST.
*Not really stunning at all anymore.
MMMMMWAAAAAHH. Chas Henry's a lover, not a fighter. He also is, unlike many people, completely sensible about the whole thing.
"I think it's ridiculous (that there have been repercussions)," Henry said. "I think it's ridiculous. He has no reason to apologize. It was in the middle of an intense game, one of the most intense rivalries in college football.
"HE WAS A [EXPLETIVE.]" For those who might want to take freshly booted safety Jon Dowling off the virtual waiver wire for your college football team, know that he had a problem with authority bad enough to merit a source calling him a profanity in the press. Which profanity? We'd go with "asshole," as "fucker" seems too affectionate, and "shit" would require "little" in front of it. "Dick" might also work nicely here. The EDSBS Institute for Profanity Studies never stops fulfilling the needs of those who want to both understand profanity, and use it like a motherfucking assassin.
OUR PASSING GAME EXISTS. WE PROMISE. This is the third week in a row we've seen the Les Miles "Our passing game exists" quote and surrounding story, proving a variation of the old maxim that if the LSU passing game did not exist, Les Miles would have to make it up just to make things sane for those less comfortable in football anarchy than he is.
OPTIMISM: It's best paired with complete and admitted delusion and photoshop.