YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, SON. Somewhere, in a parallel universe, this is all happening...right now.
"One move and the bear gets it." "DO WHAT HE SAAAAAAAAAY." Les handled his bizarre question yesterday very well, but failed to mention the obvious "But Tracy Wolfson is obviously the superior sideline reporter" to earn his CBS soldier creds. (Shoutouts to the Wolf. AROOOOOOO)
/makes awkward Tracy Wolfson gang sign.
I HAD SOME GOOD STUFF TO TELL YOU GUZZLE GUZZLE GUZZLE. Pat Dye surprisingly has nothing good to say about Urban Meyer, defended Cam Newton, and then said he had a lot more to say, but that he would hold back because it would be really incriminating we mean, "inappropriate." Did you know you can pay to go on a weekend's hunting trip with Pat Dye? And that if Pat Dye doesn't track you down and shoot you in two days, you get your money back plus a t-shirt? PROTIP: plant Dewar's bottles along your track LIVE FOREVER.
NO, WE'D RATHER GO HUMP A STUMP. North Texas turned the WAC down. Take you, and an inanimate object, and then ask someone out and get the response, "I'd rather sleep with that inanimate object you just visualized," and you'll see just how bad this is for the WAC. We hope you picked something really funny, like a tractor or pile of old cornhusks.
THIS SENTENCE WOULD HAVE BEEN SEEN AS INSANE THREE YEARS AGO. Norm Chow says he's the logical fall guy at UCLA, and he's...right? We don't even know what world we're in anymore.
A MAJOR PROGRAM'S QB, OVERSCRUTINIZED? NEVER. A quarterback at a major program subjected to a level of scrutiny bordering on the absurd? Nooooooo.
IT'S A SELLOUT (RELATIVELY): The ACC Championship game, now in actual ACC territory in Charlotte instead of Jacksonville and Tampa, which is more a kind of hybrid SEC/late stage alcoholism fanbase, has only 12,000 tickets left with two weeks to go. This is an improvement. No, it really is. Stop laughing.