clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

TERRIFYING HOLIDAY TWITTER SHORT STORIES

New, 33 comments

This week's edition is Halloween-themed for SPOOKTACULAR and TERRIFYING RESULTS. <----SEEE COCKTAIL PARTY FOR OPTIMAL HORROR. The most terrifying 140 characters you'll ever read outside of @coachcoley 's Twitter feed follow! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Florida vs. Georgia. Burnt Offerings! The haunted house of the old Gator Bowl demands souls. Addazio says "Sure," throws Jeff Demps in the furnace 30x in a row. 

West Virginia at Connecticut. The Others. "Someone's in this house," thought Edsall. Bill Stewart says "Oh, hi! It's you, and you're already dead. Care for a muscadine?" 

Clemson at Boston College. The Happening: Ain't nothing to be afraid of but the nothing. Spaziani sees you eyein' his lemon-drink. Stab yourselves to save yourselves.

Purdue at Illinois. Friday the 13th. Danny Hope trips over his own feet running away from Ron Zook in a hockey mask. Your killer is dumb, but indestructible. :(

Oklahoma State at Kansas State. Last House On The Left. "Relax, T. Boone says it's an energy-efficient microwave." "As long as it's "The Snyder Family Microwave, go ahead."

Tennessee at South Carolina. Psycho: Derek Dooley stood in the water. Ah, a proper shower. A shadow behind the curtain! Garcia smiles."Yo, Brah. Shower beer." "Oh, thx."

Slideshow_1001754265_rbz_ut_iowa_state_06_5043127

Kansas at Iowa State. The Exorcist: Coach Gill, down 60, sighs. "I wish you wouldn't use profanity." Paul Rhoads goes on : "FUCK TOM OSBORNE! FUCK YOU! LICK IT!" 

Michigan State at Iowa. Cape Fear: "Rucker's back." Stanzi brushed his long blonde hair. "I'm safe, though." He tossed his brush. Rucker snatches it. "INT, BITCH." 

Mizzou at Nebraska. Turistas. Blaine Gabbert is perplexed. "I don't get it,"  "It's because you're about to get your guts ripped out by a Latino dude. Get it?" 

Auburn at Ole Miss. Deep Blue Sea. Nutt in a wetsuit speaks: "We're gonna pull together, andwe're gonna defend the zone-AAAHHHHH" Cam Newton: "NOM NOM NOM NOM"

Baylor at Texas. Attack of the Crab Monsters. Where horror only goes sideways! Hero: Texas. Script by G. Davis. Directed by: Fuck Y'all This Ain't My Fault. 

Michigan at Penn State. Pet Sematary. Joe Pa sat on the bed, and looked down. "Hey, is that a dreadlock--"as the flesh-eating midget cut his Achilles and then ran. 

Ohio State at Minnesota. Mr. Brooks. Yes, we're comparing Tressel to a character who kills Dane Cook, but that's a compliment, because like Cook the Gophers suuuck. 

Oregon at USC. The Birds. "Hahah, this duck is so cute it's trying to hurt me pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke OH SWEET WOUNDED JESUS THE BLOOD AHHH--"

Stanford at Washington. The Skulls. In the circle, the hooded one speaks. "Tell us your filthiest joke, Luck." Candles glow. "Locker? I hardly know her!" /LAUGHTER.