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In which we reward the highlights and lesser luminaries of Week 6.

Sticker_superstar_medium  SUPERSTAR! You already know who. 85% completion rate against the Tide, while also throwing for a field goal? Sakerlina continues to win games both in spite of and because of college football's philosopher-king-brah, and this week it was mostly "because of", and for that, we raise our glasses and shake our asses at DJ Steve (O)G and MC Tiny Floating Matty Mac.

Sticker_sitstill_medium  SIT STILL! Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson, whose combined rushing and receiving yards (92) were bettered in Columbia by Marcus Lattimore's rushing efforts alone (93).

Sticker_helper_medium  GOOD HELPER! LaMichael James, ensuring that the nation's leading rusher is actually a running back this week for the first time all season.


Sticker_try_medium  YOU TRIED! The Gators' latest foray into uni changeups, which went exactly as predicted, exactly:


Staradequate-1_medium  ADEQUATE! Alshon Jeffery, who did this. Not bad for a kid whose hands must've been just covered in gasoline.

Sticker_improving_medium  IMPROVING! Oklahoma State actually put away their Sun Belt competition decisively this week! Huggles! Three weeks after surmounting Troy by a field goal, and just over an hour after after trailing Louisiana 21-17 at the half, the 'Pokes came roaring back past the Ragin' Cajuns for what will look on the scoreboard like a triumphant victory and not a matter of deep LOLshameness.

Sticker_handup_medium  HAND UP! We regret the pun on this one, but VT's Greg Nosal played with a SEVERED FINGER against Central Michigan, and that must be recognized. CENTRAL MICHIGAN. CAPS LOCK. (We need a SO FUCKING METAL sticker for so very many reasons.)

Sticker_taketurns_medium  TAKE TURNS!  Sweet of Andrew Luck to play defense there for a minute:


Sticker_grapejob_medium  GRAPE JOB! New Mexico State gets a win! A 16-14 win! Over New Mexico! File this one under "Things That Will Still Not Get Mike Locksley Fired, Ever."

Sticker_creative_medium  CREATIVE! Baylor and Texas Tech, going for the cycle of fluke plays. 

Sticker_bee_medium  BUSY BEE! Denard Robinson, Cam "Cameron" Newton, and Taylor Martinez, the nation's leading stats-happy spread quarterbacks, here to debunk that "gimmick offense" ish once and for all, until next year.


Sticker_apple_medium   TEACHER'S PET! Tim Brewster, because JESUS FOOTBALL CHRIST, what a suck-up:

"That’s a poor reason. That’s a poor excuse," Brewster said. "I thought it was a very poor decision by a head football coach, and he’ll have to live with that because it was wrong and, heck, everybody in here knows it and everybody in college football knows it.

"It was wrong."

Wrong? Not technically, no. Once more for the cheap seats, and sing along if you know the words: IT'S YOUR JOB TO STOP THEM, hoss. And if it's morally wrong, we're discussing here, where does "Big Ten team loses to South Dakota at home" fall on the scale of all that's right and good?

* We find ourselves once again relegating LSU to the footnotes, acknowledging that while they're very much worthy of recognition, we are still without an image of a dragon spiraling to earth in flames wearing a jaunty fedora and holding a possum clamped in its jaws to properly illustrate the Bayou Bengals' weekend. Our sincere apologies.