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Ladies. Let's not quarrel. I'll take off my shirt for you. Look.

(Photo via.) Now even you ladies extremely agitated by my upcoming Super Bowl ad. You can't stay mad at these traps, can you? You can? Your loss, ladies. That's a fumble under center for you, metaphorically speaking, and after yesterday, believe me that I sympathize with your difficulty handing the issue.

Pirates. Of course he'd be there. Reader Chas commented last week that he saw Mike Leach in the immortal watering hole The Green Parrot in Key West, and we thought: well, that's certainly a fine idea for a vacation. If it is a vacation for Leach, though, it is an extremely extended one, since he's moved the entire family down to Key West and is hanging out there. If you're playing their high school team this fall, watch your ass, because the guy in the "Beaver Inspector" shirt he bought on Duval street in the booth is the consultant you don't want the other team to have for the season.

"Fucking hoodrats." We held off awarding Fulmer Cup points to Oregon for the alleged involvement of Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry because they were merely named in the report, and not charged with anything, and since broken clocks are correct twice a day that may have been one of the two good calls we make a day. Embry and Masoli have still not been charged with anything, and the Daily Emerald has this quote from voicemails left with the paper from the phone of SAE member Wayne Kohnke, whose nickname HAS TO BE KOHNKE-TONK MAN, BRAH.

Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry just stole all of my friend's possessions. They're a bunch of fucking hoodrats, (brah /shotguns beer) and we need a story run on this.


SMU Lineamn arrested for rape. Torlan Pittman, a defensive lineman for SMU, was arrested for the rape of a 22 year old woman committed in tandem with a former Sam Houston State baseball player in September. June Jones described himself as "in shock" on hearing the news. No Fulmer Cup points awarded, as the crime was committed in September during the season.

Get money: Join the Big Ten, son. You'd make more money.