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FULMER CUPDATE: DUKE GETS LETHAL-ISH

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The big board, brought to you by Brian. His genitals are so large that they have been, on occasion, compared to Reggie Nelson's. Unlike Reggie's, Brian's goods are not seen flapping uselessly around the Jaguars' secondary, so advantage Brian.

Yeah, bitches. That's Duke up there. The Fulmer Cupdate for this Monday, in order from old business to new business.

Next time, go limp. College Station police arrested Texas WR Dan Buckner after he was asked to leave a young woman's apartment and the surrounding complex. Not doing this expediently got him a trespassing charge, and the subsequent struggle with police during the arrest got him a resisting arrest charge. BTW, if you go stiff but only in one special place during an arrest, it's not resisting, especially if they happen to be Hot Copz.

Buckner also takes the early lead in the Mugshot Olympics.

Shit. I am totally getting arrested, and yet still disbelieving the events around me.

Two points for Texas go on the board.

D-U-I-was on my way to see you/ when I got pulled over in my CAR-CAR-CAR. Dominick Legrande, BC linebacker, thought he was fine, but the policeman didn't agree when they pulled him over after trailing him out of a bar noted for underage drinking in Long Island. It's bad getting a DUI. It's worse when you get a DUI in your mother's car, which Legrande was driving at the time of his arrest. "Yeah, Mom. Sorry. DUI. Need bail. Also, your car's in impound where it's being intimidated and possibly molested by the cars that have been in there longer and know the squirrelly ways of car prison. That'll be another $400."

Two points for Boston College.

Duke shows signs of progress towards a conference championship. Three Duke players--John Drew, Kyle Griswould and Brandon Putnam--were arrested and charged with felony possession and discharge of a weapon on the campus. Rules are rules, and even if the three fired off a pellet gun indoors the words "felony" mean a minimum three points for each charge. Thus nine points are awarded to Duke, who continue their long climb upward to respectability as a football program by not only competing on the field, but off of it in the Fulmer Cup as well.