CURIOUS INDEX, 1/13/10

The obvious early answer to this ball of insanity. Lane Kiffin will assume the role vacated by Conan O'Brien, use the show as a recruiting vehicle, and Ed Orgeron will play the part of the Masturbating Bear whether you like it or not.

Since he's attempting to reunite the USC crew from THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND, it's really the only appropriate response. Please recall that Lane Kiffin's primary responsibilities on that staff per most sources including getting donuts and arguing with players until they left meetings shaking their heads. One assumes his role will remain unchanged in the current iteration, though he may assume duties attacking birds, smaller rodents, and insects, too.

Information-type Information. The wee hours rundown here is still mostly unchanged and true, especially the part where we wrote that Bobby Petrino and Houston Nutt are candidates because SEE: HOUSTON NUTT AND BOBBY PETRINO. While Jimmy Sexton wrings a bit more money out of SEC ADs with this, we'll just continue linkbombing.

--Pictures of the minor mayhem at UT last night. They burned a mattress! And some shirts! It's pandelerium! INSANITY WOLF IS ON THE LOOSE.

--Ed Orgeron did call recruits on campus at Tennessee and attempt to get them to leave with the coaching staff to go to USC, and did it in the room during Kiffin's announcement. Players put the calls on speakerphone to show astonished teammates. This all happened and is not being made up. Your move, fiction.

---Kiffin is the rebound girl for Tennessee, albeit one who stuck to hand jobs, the moral victory of sexual chess moves.

--You'll always have 2009, Kiffin-ites.

Analysis-type things. Pat Forde stabs often and well in Kiffin's direction. Doug says Kiffin ran through the T and kept on going, while Doc Saturday says Tennessee got treated like Bowling Green. We'd clarify that, since even Meyer had the decorum to stay at Bowling Green two years. Conquest Chronicles is cautious, but hey, it's stability. Plus he knows where all the donuts and fax machines are. Clay wouldn't be writing this if all that rejection of tradition had ended with some winning seasons and hadn't ended with a nocturnal getaway,

Muschamp: He's the target.

We still prefer Mrs. Richt (call us.) They also lost Layla Kiffin to USC, which is the real tragedy here since Mike Hamilton never even got to smell her hair. OMG TBL IS FUCKING RETARDED OR A BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE ARTIST BUT HE CAN'T BE BOTH.