clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


Video of tangential relevance at best: NO YOU MADMAN STOP:

Questions abound, like "How the hell did Utah beat nine teams?" By scheduling target practice, filling the range with slow, fat cattle, and using the big bullets to make sure they couldn't possibly miss. Jeremy Foley approves of the zeppelins gunned down by the crack hands at Utah, whose wins come against the following collection of armless pugilists:

-Utah State
-San Jose State
-Air Force
-Colorado State
-Air Force
-San Diego State

Doc Saturday's been on this all year, but it bears repeating: Utah has been the ripped, well-manicured pool-boy plowing through an endless stream of tipsy housewives answering the door in their bathrobes.

In contrast, Cal's been filching desperate handjobs in between failed passes at taken women, especially in conference: all of Cal's four losses came in the Pac-10 at the hands of rivals, including a brutal 42-10 loss to Washington to end the season. Those taken women hit back with loaded purses, for the most part.

Geopolitical Importance: A few interesting storylines, conference-wise. The Pac-10, should Cal lose, will start 0-2 on the season and further the theory that in-season parity for a conference may be exciting during the year, but usually shows up in bowl season as widespread mediocrity. The Mountain West, plucky, dusty pioneering types, will crow about their lack of AQ status if Utah wins, while they still lose little in the even of a Utes loss due to widespread suspicion of their wins. (/pool boy flexes.) The BCS will use either event to bolster arguments for itself you wouldn't buy after two pints of drank and a hastily huffed can of spray starch.

Human Resources Requests That You Fully Disclose: That Cal offensive coordinator Andy Ludwig was Utah's offensive coordinator last year, and that his understudy Dave Schramm took over, and if this were an action movie the two would spend the game exchanging grim, slightly homoerotic glances while the voice over reads nonsensical play gibberish before they clench in mansome fashion at the end. Broken tendencies all around for both teams in this game. Kevin Riley runs the wishbone! < --not likely!
Mike Patrick has been a professional broadcaster for over thirty-five years. He collects rare moths in his spare time.

LEANING: Towards Utah, but only thanks to the Merril Hoge Decision-Making Wheel we used up there.