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CURIOUS INDEX, 12/10/09

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I'M SORRY MA'AM I'D LOVE TO INTERRUPT YOU TO TALK ABOUT RON PRINCE. This whole "Edsall and Notre Dame are mutually interested" thing is merely a smokescreen for the inevitable takeover of America's young coaching dynamo, the Joseph Stalin of coaching, the Schooly D of the ACC's Special Teams coaches, the most feared offensive coordinator ever named Ron who ever coached for Al Groh....Ron Prince.

Look at those men work together like a team of well-trained seals.

Like, seals with whiskers who will do anything for herring. THAT COULD BE YOU NOTRE DAME. THINK ABOUT IT.

Clay Travis goes mad for a moment. Rather than administering a cursory and insubstantial fisking to the New York Times' Tennessee piece from yesterday, Clay and other Tennessee fans should ignore the NCAA investigation (likely to turn up little, like most NCAA investigations) and focus on the recruiting strategies at work here. Lane Kiffin has a coaching circle assembled in Knoxville of immense talent and experience, an administration willing to shit gold bricks day and night to fund the team, top-flight facilities, and everything he needs to succeed in terms of an established reputation as a coast-to-coast recruiter.

Do you need to recast yourself as the doofus Neuheisel in order to get things done? Or, as it were, the Doof-heisel? Do you want to be the guy texting a kid to look out the window as you drive by his house waving like some kind of sexually confused Boy Scout leader? Leave any nonexistent NCAA implications out of it: aggressive recruiting is fine, but this borders on public stuntwork. It's a matter of bullshit posturing over substance, something probably attributable to Kiffin's age and inexperience. It is precisely the same inanity Rick Neuheisel was fond of at Colorado and Washington, and it hurt his reputation and effectiveness as a head coach in the long run.

DURR UR JUST SKARRED. Not of Lane Kiffin sending the Aryan Youth's Pep Wing on the road to woo recruits blinded by a little bit of peroxide and winking cleavage, no. But he's a good enough coach, recruiter, and planner with enough support behind him that all of this bullshit is just that: total and complete bullshit. It's petty and ridiculous. (Keep trash talking, though: that is an esteemed art absent for too long from the SEC. When the Pac-10 is outdoing you in that department, it is time to step up the effort.)

Answer: nothing. Question: what is Joe Barton or any other politician from Texas doing with their free time besides having illicit sex with their underlings and throwing tiny amounts of power around like sledgehammers for prime parking places and tickets to sporting events? Ahh, sociobiology. You never fail us when we look for the answers to monkeys and why they have problems. (Just read the Barnhart bit about Barton's insane House proposals, ponder the seeking and use of power by your fellow apes with nukes and cars, and rewind.)

You can keep the electronics and jewelry for now. Charlie Strong, don't be so polite. Feel free to take some of the staff with you to Louisville. In fact, as much as this hurts us, please take Steve Addazio, our offensive coordinator. No, no, we insist! No, here--[drops Addazio in a sack into his arms]--please, we insist. I'm not taking him back. Nope. Arms behind our back here. Nope. Not looking, not looking at you...

The last thing he cried over was a dropped tall boy of Schlitz. Paul Hornung says Tim Tebow shouldn't have cried on the field at the SEC Championship. AlcoLOLic!