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FLORIDA WAS LESS THAN FOCUSED PRIOR TO THE SEC GAME

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"Florida was not focused. Carlos Dunlap wasn’t the only starting player throwing them down at that birthday celebration, according to several sources. The FSU game wasn’t the end of the season, fellas, but you sure acted like it."

A team that can't win with a hangover deserves no victories, much less one glowing with the aura of hot death like Alabama was on Saturday afternoon. Should you now move to the "but but Alabama won't be as motivated for the game as they were for Florida" argument that is blossoming amidst the ranks of Texas fans, feel free to do that. You know how unmotivated Nick Saban teams are in big games, particularly one that would give Alabama their first national title since 1992. Additionally, put your money on:

--[INSERT WALLED ASIAN CITY HERE] vs Genghis Khan

--LIFE ON EARTH versus The Large Hadron Collider (especially if it succeeds in sabotaging itself from the future.)

--MOUNTAIN GOAT vs. Golden Eagle

See! Free money, thy name is EDSBS. Type this ten times just for verification: of course Texas could win. Then consider the shitshow they put up against Texas A&M, the close game with an injury-battered Oklahoma team, and their fluffy schedule, and we've seen this matchup of an overrated, untested team versus Alabama before, because it happened on Saturday versus our own dear collection of festive, unfocused five-star recruits. Only people telling them how marvelous and indomitable they are can ruin Alabama's shot at a national title now, which is why you should send us checks immediately Texas fans in order to ensure we keep saying things like this to be picked up by Alabama message boards.