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What do you have to look forward to for the next week leading up to the SEC Championship Game? Sure, your easy answer is "only more nauseating panegyrical bloviation about Tim Tebow and his unassailable character and nebulously defined good acts." Accepted, but you neglect to consider the other form of digital torture this week: ALABAMA FANS TELLIN YOU WHATFOR THROUGH THE POKER PORNTUBE BOX.

Go right ahead. There's nine fucking minutes of that. It's like the rape scene in Irreversible: it goes on, and on, and on, and on, and pretty soon you get that the point isn't art, or wit, or argument, or entertainment, but just...rape. Even the grimfingerbanger of college football himself, Jim Tressel, rarely goes nine minutes without punting and allowing the viewer a refreshing break. We will all come out soiled this week, though if you crave silence, the ACC championship in Tampa offers reasonable quiet at more than reasonable prices. Otherwise: it's full retard with the hammer down into the gates of the Georgia Dome this week. Disengaging brain