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It was Nolte and you know it. Jimmy Clausen did get "sucker-punched" outside C.J.'s in South Bend Saturday night, leaving him with a black eye that likely won't affect his playing time against Stanford. No one seems to know who punched him, but our sources point not only to a senior citizen with rabies in his underwear, but towards a much more violent account of the incident than was previously reported.

Lou Holtz probably does walk around ND in his boxers and socks without commentary from the populace.

Damage. This literal variation of the damage done to members of the ND football establishment comes on the heels of Charlie Weis' soul-baring to John Walters for Fanhouse yesterday, where Weis revealed the impact the criticism and pressure has had on him and his family and detailed his physical ailments. (His knees are malice salad at this point, basically.)

You come this close to feeling genuine pity for Weis without qualification before tripping over this reason to insert qualification to the pity. On going back to the NFL, and the offensive coordinator positions awaiting him there.

"I'm more respected there," Weis says. "I'm more well-liked there."

Because he leaves the college game with the same basic lack of respect for his competition and the college game that he came in with, whingeing about respect and being liked while building an inconsistent product and failing to adapt adequately to the different environment. There's a word for those who fail to adapt: extinct.

Father Hessburg is busy. The House Rock Built has decided serious men need serious puppetry (and that if you had not seen it, the preview for a serious man might be necessary preliminary viewing.)

Cochon du lait. LSU's Combat Unis for the Arkansas game will feature "pig roast" in French on the front, the funniest of all the Combat Uni variations we've seen if you take out the Florida State "Almost lose to a Maryland team with the cohesion and durability of a wet fruit roll-up" logo. Amazing how prescient these have been, though we're not putting any money on LSU in this game, because Treebeard the Magnificent (Ryan Mallett) is going to throw for a gazillion yards in this game and horrify onlookers for miles around with visions of the Razorback offense going off like bad firecrackers for all of 2010. OH YOU THINK YOU KNOW RUN-ON SENTENCES BRANG IT.

Still alive. He's doing science and he's still alive: Al Groh still shows up at Virginia, and probably is surprising the office staff by doing so.