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STYLISH WAYS FOR URBAN MEYER PAY A THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLAR FINE

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Urban Meyer has been fined $30,000 for his comments about SEC officiating, the logical endpoint of the SEC backing itself so far into a corner re: officiating. As Holly suggests, the proper greeting to this (as it is for so many things) is a thoroughly lazy wanking motion in the direction of the SEC offices, but not so for Meyer. He still has to pay the $30K, but no one has defined form of payment.

We have suggestions.

--7 freshly circumsised and adoptable Filipino baby boys. (No questions asked.)

tim-tebow-urban-meyer
"Yeah, seven. But it'll cost you. Bob Tebow Ministries doesn't run on prayer and happy thoughts alone.

--600,000 nickels delivered in cheap garbage bags.

--1749 copies of this (ON SALE) classic by seven-time Pulitzer Prize Winner and astronaut Mike Freeman.

--Check written from his Cayman Islands account. (Takes days to clear, sure to draw IRS audit.)

--Three live Siberian Tigers. Black market prices, and surely available on a moment's notice in Miami.

--Coupon for five favorable calls made by SEC referees in the game of their choice.

All are roughly equivalent to $30K or so, and should suffice in making Mike Slive feel more Roger Goodell-ish by the moment.