Really? Yeah, kinda, via some Fox Lubbock guy in a pink tie reporting from what appears to be an abandoned mall:
The players are stalwart enough after a game that was embarrassing even to watch, but Leach’s rapid whiplashing from “We didn’t coach well enough to beat A&M, and we didn’t play well enough to beat A&M” to “We’re not gonna listen to our fat little girlfriends” doesn’t speak to a steady hand on the tiller. Mike, Mike — don’t you know the plump ones make the best pirate lasses? And with still-ranked Kansas coming to town on Halloween, can you really afford to alienate the wench contingent of your student section?
The Alphabetical is up and humming in its usual ramshackle form at SB Nation. In other distractions: cabin fever has a thousand forms, but filming yourself chugging DayQuil and watching football for a whole Saturday is one particularly bold form of it.
PARK-LIFE. We really didn’t drink that much DayQuil, since Orange Drank ain’t got quite the same spectral liftin’ power of that Purple Drank.
First I was right about Houston Nutt communin’ with the Trilateral Commission, and a then ah told you about the radioactive worms the NSA done put in my tomatoes to keep an eye on me. Then you laft at how ah spotted the Zionists workin on me through the presenze of their agent Seth Roggin in all them Judd Apataw movies tryn to tell me my penis was an atenna transmittin’ Palestian propagandah to the masses to give them a reason to make movies. The cops arrestin me fah showin’ it to ‘em that night at Slankey’s Tavern on 3 for 1 Natty Light night only PROVES HOW REAL THE PENILE BROADCASTIN’ WAS!
Lane Kiffin, in his first year in the SEC, got his second reprimand from the conference office today. The Tennessee head coach was scolded by commissioner Mike Slive for his public comments since Tennessee’s 12-10 loss to Alabama.
That’s a violation of the SEC Code of Ethics.
CONSPIRASAH!!! First they get Florda and Alabama in the game, then the Antichristabama appears in thah sky, then as foretold in tha Mothman Propheseez the Werechild dooz battle with the Tebowantichristabama till one of um goes to the BCS and takez control of the guvmint through nappin’ cells in the FDA and ATF. IT’S ALL CONNECTED AND CAN’T POSSIBLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH A GREATER FEAR OF PEOPLE BEING MASSIVELY INCOMPETENT IN AN ANARCHIC AN CHAOTIC WORLD NO SIR. I seez it all!
Editor’s note: Lane Kiffin moves one step closer to being Planet Doofus’ Stone Cold Steve Austin. He’s pointing at McMahon! Has he no respect for the Commissioner!
The Alphabetical is taking its usual toll today, adorable beast that it is. Watch Jonathan Dwyer bitchmake a Virginia Cavalier and will be along in a bit.
We’re optimists at heart. While all others froze around you, you would take warmth from the abundant heat energy radiating from him. Additionally, you could keep snacks and other temperature-sensitive items warm beneath the overlap. (HT: RLBGator)
Fun facts from the midpoint of the Chizik era, year one: Auburn’s defense has been on the field or 575 plays, tied for 113th in the nation in total snaps taken by the defense. The side effect of the espresso-paced Malzahn offense is to lengthen the game for everyone, your defense included, which is why you see your Toledos and Texas Techs down in those rankings, too. This leads to more opportunities for the opposing team, which leads to fatigue, which leads to Les Miles’ struggling offense breaking out the good knives and going to work despite struggling through most of the season. Auburn’s defense is tired, and we’d bet even money on them looking more gassed as the season goes on due to the first year of the system and the lack of conditioning. It’s not like Auburn spent the offseason lounging poolside and feasting on gelato, but you can’t really be prepared to take that many snaps unless you’ve seen what switching up-tempo can do to the defense of the team making the switch.
Boredom, the new black. Hooper has a long but at least interesting piece defending the boring Tennessee/Alabama game and the accusation that the influence of pro football coaching has turned the league into a place where settling for 44 yard field goals all day is considered good form.
No matter the systems run on offense and defense, if both teams play excellent games, the result will be dull. If both the offense and defense make correct reads of each other, they will game-theory themselves into a pseudo-stalemate where the offenses make only average gains throughout the day and the defenses make only average stops. With eleven on each side, there is always a counterpunch available to the other team’s punch.
Not necessarily: nullity isn’t the point. It’s not like Alabama and Tennessee’s coaching staffs and teams are exactly and perfectly matched. The wrinkles come in making adjustments, adjustments Alabama’s offensive personnel couldn’t pull off and that Tennessee’s seemed to know were there, but hesitated to call. (Slants and seam routes were open, but in the final forty seconds Kiffin seemed happy to settle for kicking from Eastern Mississippi with 40 seconds on the clock.) It’s not good football, because good football at least involves some element of a chess match, not just two poker players checking endlessly against each other.
Example? Why, last year’s SEC championship game, for example.
Adjustments galore by both teams instead of the two rams butting heads for sixty minutes and relying on the consolation prize of scores, the field goal, to level the field. (Thus our current frustration with Florida’s offense, because FIELD GOALS ARE UNMANLY.) Even Saban, a defensive coach sometimes less-than-concerned with things offensive, knows this:
“We can’t be so risk-aversive,” Saban said. “We’ve got be more aggressive in what we’re doing on offense right now.”
The thing knocking game-theory equilibrium out of stasis: taking unforeseen strategies, combining them with risk, and letting them fly at the right moment. When is the right moment? When it works. When is it wrong? When it doesn’t. Thus the name: risk.
Unsurprising headline reflects obvious story. Tim Tebow is frustrated with his play, did not talk to media following Miss State game, all is well etc. At this point we’re beginning to wonder if he isn’t having some kind of senior year career crisis, much like the one where you said, “Hey, am I going to be a spy, a porn star, or be both before going to law school and getting my PhD?” You ended up waiting tables all the same, but the question nags, especially since the pro-style coaching from Scott Loeffler seems to have elongated his throwing motion, not shortened it.
In the shop. Sam Bradford, cashed in (for now.) A return is not out of the question, but it would be as much of a wager as any he can make given the chance for recurring injury and another off year by Oklahoma. Watch punditry second guess him and make absurd quantifications nonetheless! Guy from New York, what do you think? OH MY GADD HE LOST FIFTY FUCKING MILLION BAZILLION DOLLARS WHAT A LOSER. Thanks, insightful Mel Kiperite; we knew we could count on you.
PANIC OMG HOT BCS DEATH. If you like anxiety for no particular reason, go ahead and glom onto the BCS standings. TCU hops Boise, and probably should since they took tire irons to Max Hall for three hours Saturday night. We’d go into further description, but animal cruelty is not something we are fond of in general.
Big 12 North: Po-pimpin’. K-State could win the Big 12 North and not even be bowl eligible. It could happen. That is all.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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