CURIOUS INDEX, 10/19/09

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? Good morning, Razorback fans!

While the SEC will prepare its blanket form letter "Dear [INSERT TEAM NAME HERE], the [PENALTY GOES HERE] in [GAME] should not have been called" in Birmingham, Florida did fall to number two in the AP rankings behind Alabama while maintaining its number one status in the first round of BCS rankings. Remember, in case those seem cracked, there's always the pure PCP of Sagarin rankings. BEEEEEEEES are at number 10; Arizona is at number 14. Don't read them all at once, or you'll end up fighting ten cops naked. (The colored text explains what you already may know, which is that Sagarin does not take margin of victory into its calculations, and that JEFF SAGARIN is ALSO the author of TIME CUBE.)

The Gators did hold on to the number one spot in the Coaches' Poll and the Harris Poll, followed by Oklahoma, "WOO USA NUMBER ONE!", Beer, Puppies, and the 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers. #bothpollsarecrap

This Week in Schadenfreude should be fun. Or at least the equivalent of this thanks to the continuing regression of Terrelle Pryor at quarterback, something so prominent in the loss to Purdue this weekend that Todd McShay posited a move him to wide receiver or a role in the Wildcat for him instead of, you know, actual quarterbacking kind of stuff. Eleven Warriors has the full excoriation of Pryor's performance, but he may not be entirely to blame, since Jim Tressel's never needed one of your fancy commie "quarterbacks" to win, and likely never will. (You know, except against, um...Purdue.) Call Krenzel and have him prepped for some fast plastic surgery in Cozumel. Eligible or not, he was the best that man ever knew, dammit.

Mark Ingram status: Sitting in ice bath for entirety of today. Tuesday: rotor replacement and light cardio. Wednesday: refueling at local air force base (pure Jet A, smoothie form) polishing of cowcatcher, 14 hour power nap. Thursday: open to the public for four hours of adoration and compliments. Friday: RAGE BUILDING. Saturday: do something like running for 242 yards like he did on Saturday against South Carolina, because he is a terrifying machine right now, and worthy of whatever worthless trophies you care to throw in his path. He will crush them and continue on to the horizon, because that is what train-men-monsters do instead of prissing and nancying around with ribbons and medals.

TEAM NAME down, totally about to lay down and die. When we see that headline instead of this one, we'll know journalism has taken a step towards writing more interesting headlines. (Especially since ND showed no signs of dying at all in that game.) Correction: some brave souls have already taken the lead here.

We're certain it was over something very important. The number one and number two saddest sentences written about anything in college football appeared in sequence in the New York Times story on the stabbing death of Jasper Howard, the UConn cornerback stabbed to death early Sunday in a brawl outside a university sponsored dance on campus.

The second saddest, from UConn coach Randy Edsall:

"There’s nothing in my job description that says you have to identify bodies, and that you have to make the phone calls to the parents, but that’s part of the job."

Edsall had to identify Howard's body around five in the morning after three hours of surgery failed to save the 20 year old's life. The saddest line follows.

Edsall said he also spoke with Howard’s girlfriend, who he said was pregnant with the couple’s first child.

Yeah. Good morning to you, too. Let's not forget the important thing here, though: someone has respect. They also have a first-degree murder charge, too, but everything has its price tag. One last quote comes from punter Desi Cullen, team captain.

"To hear the news he is a father ... and that [the child] will grow up without a father tears me apart. As Jazz looks down on us, I can promise his son or daughter will have 105 uncles. We will be better men because of Jazz."

We don't know. Go hug someone. Don't stab people. Be human. Avoid being a total asshole and try not to kill anyone. This isn't hard.