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Walter Thurmond the 3rd does not half-step. That is Walter Thurmond the 3rd on the punt return for Oregon, and despite being blessed by the dulcet, exiled tones of Ron Franklin there he was not lucky in terms of injury. The news came out yesterday that Oregon corner Walter Thurmond the 3rd had injured his knee, but the late update is a spectacular one: Thurmond tore his ACL, MCL, and PCL in a single stroke, and faces a very lengthy recovery. Fortunately, Oregon has as much experience with freaky knee injuries as any team in the nation, being the test market for Nike's innovative hypoallergenic lightweight replacement ACL, available in 2013 pending FDA approval. Replaces in ten minutes, and featuring the trademark Nike Swoosh on every ACL. Jungian theory strikes again. Stafon Johnson is doing well in the hospital, and has his mother close by at all times. She really should be there anyway, since Johnson's mother was on duty at California Hospital Medical Center when the call came in, which had to be all kinds of fun for Mrs. Johnson to deal with at work. Pete Carroll described this as "an unbelievable stroke of synchronicity." Interestingly, as Pete Carroll said this, something crawled from the bottom of a dark Scottish loch, knocked at the door of a cottage, and requested a pint and a pie, please. Up to him, so yeah, he's gonna play. Team doctors say it's up to Tebow, so ladies and gentlemen: Tim Tebow, your starter for LSU. Completely unrelated article! We swear! Not really at all! That makes perfect sense, since he's buried several programs. The best entry from the non-football jobs of football coaches is, naturally, Lou Holtz's entry regarding his non-gridiron work: When Holtz was a struggling young coach he got a job selling cemetery plots to pick up a little money on the side—despite his wife’s warnings that he couldn’t sell anything. Holtz later joked, "She was wrong. By the end of the summer, I’d sold our stereo, our car, and our television." Non-existent time machine video plea: if you have perfected the theoretically impossible art of time travel, please film this and return to the present with video. We will offer hundreds of dollars--hundreds!--for the privilege of viewing a young Lou Holtz selling cemetery plots. Oh my. A bowl game in December in New York? Outside? WHEEEEEEEE. |
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