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CURIOUS INDEX, 9/22/2009

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Please do not throw at the mime's testicles. Someone at Central Michigan University has issues with the school's tailgating policies.

The natural affinity between Communist rhetorical tropes and football in the state of Michigan continues.

Forecast calls for rain, plague. Florida definitely is angling for a Purell sponsorship, though a line of Urban Meyer-themed plague masks might be more practical. Remember to stuff the nose with flowers, or the evil swamp spirits will take you. In case you don't think biowarfare is in the future of the SEC, well, it will be after this week.

Speaking of plagues: We've never been to College Station, but between the bats, the location somewhere on the Texas plains, and the locusts swarming the lights, we're ready to imagine Randall Flagg marching through campus proclaiming the end of the world as being an every day event on campus.

locustsplaguespestilencemikesherman

Harper, out. Boise State loses their second-leading rusher from Friday's Fresno Firefight. D.J. Harper was injured on a backfield pileup, and will be replaced by someone you've never heard of who will rush for 600 yards, score an improbable touchdown against a major power in a bowl game, and will then run to the sideline afterwards to deliver his first child by a cheerleader on the sidelines, who will instantly be ball-faked to the nurses in an astonishingly creative fashion.

My, that's warmth. Ron English certainly looks happy to see Rich Rodriguez.