FIRST: THE WORD OF THE DAY IS CHEAPSHOT Can you say cheapshot, kids? Try it. Chuuuhhhhheeeaaaaaaappppshot. Good! Want us to use it in a sentence? A cheapshot looks like this:

Purdue’s Zack Reckman can say it after a 28-21 loss to Northern Illinois, too. And now, without further ado, the Alphabetical.

A is for Antisapient. Mock him for having a 3-7 week, but reserve your finest invective for Stewart Mandel-the losing, silent combatant in the ongoing Duel of the Jews-for failing to understand the real enemy in the endless war against the spies of the Republic of Crapulence infiltrating the magnificent universe of college football.

But I’ve yet to hear a logical explanation for why ESPN has chosen to relentlessly interweave snippets from sappy 15-year-old Dave Matthews songs like Ants Marching into its college football broadcasts. It’s true that when I hear that familiar fiddle, I do think of college — as in, people blasting Under the Table and Dreaming in my freshman dorm hall at 7:30 in the morning — but not football.

There is an obvious reason: they’re shooting the gap of demographics, per pinheaded marketeers in Bristol staring at demographics.

Marketing guy one: Hey, college football fans are hicks! (more…)