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IF SOUTH CAROLINA HAD ANY SENSE OF HUMOR...

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...they would come out to this version of "Thus Spake Zarathustra."

Meanwhile, the Monolith leading Alabama to the next step in evolution, Nick Saban, was given a contract extension through January 31st, 2018. If Saban is still the head coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide at that point, he inherits the rights to all public land in the state of Alabama and all citizens dwelling therein, turning the state government and its lands nto his private fiefdom to rule as he sees fit. It won't happen, but the lawyer just liked the sound of it, and once they get rolling withe the clauses and codicils, it's hard to stop them. If that clause kicks in, all State Capital employees are to report to the conference room for the morning beatings and mat drills. Sorry. It's in the contract.

The contract could pay Saban a total of $4.7 mil annually, or possibly more if/when another school goes bananapants and shells out more for a coach. From Chris Low's report:

The contract guarantees Saban will be among the nation's five highest-paid football coaches or the three highest in the Southeastern Conference, whichever is higher. His pay cannot fall below those averages.

Ball on, Coach Ahab. The contract has been in the works for a while, so it's nice to see Alabama settle the man down for the long haul and make a commitment to a coach clearly harassed and pressured by Alabama fans' refusal to accept only ten wins a year. He can finally start to get comfortable, especially now that they're paying him a living wage at last.